Simple Text Message// Michael Clifford [Slow Updates]

17

It's Petunia's birthday today!! 🎉

I'm sitting in the psychiatrist office, waiting for her to speak. "I'm just going to tell you." She says. "It looks like you have autism." She says and I don't know what to think. "Basically, you told me you rather stay out of conversations and do your own thing. You also said you want people to talk to you." She says. Can she stop explaining things I already know and tell me what's wrong with me. "Then there's the fact that you have a difficult time choosing the right way of words and you have to explain the same things twice because no one understands." She says and I nod in agreement, I don't even understand the things I say. "Then you want everything to be the same, you don't like it when a day changes and when it does you want to know exactly what's going to happen that day." She says.

"I know this is going to be hard to understand and you will never get rid of it. However, you can reduce it by talking to a psychologist who's an expert in those things." She says, I don't like the sound of that, I don't want to deal with it my whole life, I'm not ready. "You're dealing with autism. And on top of that you have social anxiety. The good news is that the social anxiety can be treated by medicine." She says and I nod. How's it possible I have autism? "It would help a lot if you see a psychologist." The psychiatrist says, I shake my head. I don't want my free time taken away. "I know it's a difficult step to take, but it would help a lot." She says. "I want time to think." I say, I can't decide this on my own that easily. "Okay. So I will write you a prescription of the medicine. The first ten days I want you to take half of the pill and after that you'll take the whole pill. Then I want to see you in a month, to see how the medicine is working and if you want to have an appointment with the psychologist or not." She says and I nod. She writes the prescription down and gives it to me, as well as a note with the date of the next appointment.

"Good luck and I'll see you in a month." She says and I nod, shaking her hand before leaving the building I hate to be at. When I arrive in my car, I start crying, not knowing what to do. Why now? Why did I found out now and not when I was a child? I'm fûcking twenty.

I arrive back home and lay down on my bed, I want to go to sleep but someone interrupts me. It's Michael.

Michael: how're you doing

Me: not good
Me: i hate myself
Me: i hate this world

Michael: pls don't say that
Michael: i don't hate you
Michael: i'm on this world

Me: thx
Me: i had a rough day

Michael: want to talk bout it?

Me: no
Me: not really
Me: you wouldn't care anyways

Michael: i care
Michael: a lot
Michael: always

Me: pls, you don't know me

Michael: i do
Michael: not everything
Michael: i will soon

Me: don't say that
Me: maybe this is all an act

Michael: what do you mean?

Me: you're an act
Me: u don't care bout me
Me: you never will
Me: u want to hurt me

Michael: that's bs
Michael: i would never do that

Me: stop trying
Me: i won't believe you

Michael: what's wrong with you
Michael: i'm trying to help
Michael: but fine
Michael: i guess you don't fûcking need me
Michael: i'll leave you be then
Michael: sort out your problems alone
Michael: i won't be there

What have I done? I'm so stupid. My mind is fûcking me up. I do need Michael. But now he won't help me. I lost him and it's all my fault.

So that's basically what I have. It's hard to live with that and only a few people know. But I guess now there are more.

But back to the story. Ray has fûcked up and now is Michael angry at her.

30th Of June 2017