We Went Broke at Midnight | ✔

22 | how you spend it

❝Time is precious.❞

22 || how you spend it

time || morning

It's Monday.

I woke up this morning with my mother's arms wrapped around me as if she was never going to let me go.

Yesterday Mom, Dad, and I had talked in my bedroom. Them tickling me was enough to calm me down and to break the ice.

Because of me thinking about Brolin the whole thing about Dad potentially losing his job hadn't crossed my mind until he brought it to my attention. He told me good news, that the companies weren't going to be defunct that instead of them being shut down by the city, that he was going to move them closer to the east.

Maryland.

Though that had me thinking more about Brolin, I was able to be grateful that Dad was still going to be making money and putting food on the table.

He also explained to me that I might've done something to help with the companies. I didn't get what he was saying and I didn't care enough to ask him to elaborate on that. How did I help him?

Soon after that he left me and Mom alone in my bedroom.

Mom told me she was sorry, for the millionth time. And it wasn't as if she was annoying me with her constant apologies, but I heard enough. She seemed genuinely apologetic, her soft blue eyes being the main indicator. No matter what, I had missed Mom terribly. I was glad to have Mom back, I just wasn't going to show my happiness yet. Much less give her a kiss and a hug.

She explained her reasons for leaving. She had to better herself. She had to go and fix the underlying barriers that were suffocating her and we're going to potentially ruin her life.

She told me she didn't feel as if it was fair for Dad and I to be dealing with her when she hadn't figured herself out. So all this time she'd been on a journey of self-discovery.

I asked her if she'd found what she'd been looking for.

And with a smile she nodded.

I don't know if Mom's answer was satisfying enough for me. She left because she didn't know who she was? Many people's parents don't know who they are but that isn't an excuse to leave. Or is it? Mom's telling the truth as far as I'm concerned. Yet, I can't grapple with the fact that Mom had been away for 5 years leaving both a broken husband and daughter.

So basically she left to fix herself but practically ended up breaking the two people who loved her the most, in the process.

I told her how lost I felt without her. That I felt motherless and almost fatherless (whenever Dad would drink a couple of his beers he'd bring home from the liquor store). I felt as if I'd lost both parents one who disappeared and one to alcohol and depression.

I cried and she cried and after that, we all three (Mom, Dad, and I) changed into better clothes and went out to eat at a burger hop.

And here I am on a Monday, currently at school. The morning was good, Mom offered to do my hair and make up along with carpooling me to school. It was nice and different, but a good kind of different.