Dan Howell Imagines

Dan Howell x Reader | Eulogy

Description: You were diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, knowing you will die, you ask Dan to write you a eulogy.
Warnings: Cancer, Sad, Swearing.
Word Count: 1050
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I wake up in my hospital bed, Dan asleep beside me. We must've fallen asleep while watching The Fault In Our Stars last night. It's kind of a shitty movie to watch when you're literally dying in the hospital of cancer, but I love it anyhow. Watching cancer movies really shows how different all the types of cancer are.

My cancer, pancreatic, feels the worst. I'm always tired even though I never move, I have upper back pain all the time, eating hurts, which leads to a lot of weight loss, my skin and eyes are yellow, and I just generally feel depressed. I'm surprised Dan can even look at me, let alone love me when I look like this.

Dying does suck.

In the movie, Augustus asks Hazel to write a eulogy. I've been thinking of that ever since I saw that part, and I want to ask Dan to write me one too. I would like to hear it, if the afterlife doesn't work out.

(Time skip)

Dan wakes up about an hour later.

"Hey." I say.

"Hey baby, how're you feeling?"

"Like I'm dying." I sigh.

Dan wraps his arms around my tiny frame, and I see a tear fall down his cheek.

"Dan, can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Can, can you write me a eulogy?" I ask.

He straightens and looks at me in a, "You're not gonna die." way.

"I'm going to die, maybe not today, or this week, or even this month, but I will die. I want to hear my eulogy."

"Y/n..." he says.

"Please. It's my only wish."

He thinks about it for a moment.

"Okay."

(Time skip)
One week later

My doctor decides I'm well enough to go to Dan's for the night. Dan said he finished the eulogy, so he's going to read it to me tonight.

I get in the cab with Dan, and we make our way to his flat. I lean on his shoulder and watch the cars and buildings go by. I feel sleepy, but I want to stay awake so I force my eyelids to stay open.

We arrive at the flat, and Dan helps me up the stairs. When I open the door, I'm greeted by Phil!

"Y/n! How are you doing?" He says, hugging me.

You mean besides the terminal cancer?

"I'm alright, I guess." I smile, hugging him back.

"I made some dinner, if you guys want some. It's spaghetti!" He says, motioning to the kitchen.

I look at Dan, it's hard to eat, but I don't want to upset Phil.

"I'd love some!" I say.

We all head to the kitchen and sit down.

"Dan, could you get me some water please?" I ask, it's easier with a drink.

"Sure." He says, leaving the table.

"So, is, uh, are you," Phil stutters. I know what he's trying to ask. Am I dying?

"Eventually, but not soon, I hope." I say.

"I'm so sorry, Y/n." He says.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. Everybody's fucking sorry. I know they mean well but can we just not talk about my cancer for once?

I knew Dan and Phil since way before I was diagnosed. I'm going to miss them. A silent tear falls down my face, and I let it. No point in wiping it away if more are just going to fall.

Dan comes back in with my water, and sets it down beside me.

"Thank you." I say. He kisses my forehead as a you're welcome and sits down.

We eat dinner and talk about YouTube and TV. I manage to eat most of my dinner, and after we all decide to sit in the living room so I can watch Dan and Phil verse each other in Mario Kart.

(Time skip)

"Dan?" I ask as we lay beside each other in bed.

"Yes?" He says.

"Can I hear my eulogy now?"

He nods, and stands up, grabbing an envelope from his desk. He takes out a piece of paper, and sits down on the edge of the bed.

"My name is Dan Howell, and Y/f/n Y/l/n was the star crossed love of my life. She was amazing in every way. Her smile could brighten the darkest room, and her laugh could add joy to the saddest day. You never have to worry if she's smarter than you, because you know she is. I remember when we would go on walks and every time she saw a dog, she'd have to pet it, it was adorable. Sometimes, she'd wake up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep or just woken up from a nightmare, and she'd wake me up to tell me about it. I would hold her to me and ensure her that everything would be okay. That was my job, to make sure she was okay, and I tried, but, when she told me about her cancer, we both knew I couldn't tell her that. It didn't stop me of course. I still told her everything would be okay, because that's the truth. Everyone in life has the same result, and that's death. It's a hard fact to swallow but it's true. Once you accept that, you can live a better life, a happier one. Y/n accepted that a long time ago, and that's what makes her so great. She knows that death is inevitable, that one day all our labours will be returned to dust, and that the sun will swallow the only Earth we will ever have. And she can look past that and just enjoy life, even within the numbered days, and God, do I want more days for Y/f/n
Y/l/n. But Y/n, I cannot thank you enough, for the love you showed me. And for that I am forever grateful."

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BEFORE YOU GET ALL BUTTHURT

Yes, this story was based off of John Green's The Fault In Our Stars.

I've almost caught up to have equal amounts of parts in all my Imagines books so prepare for more Sherlock Imagines!

May we meet again.

- SW -