❝if you must die, sweetheart, die knowing your life was my life's best part❝
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HE CARRIED HER THROUGH THE WOODS. through the endless trees back to the truck. she was lifeless, leg twisted and bleeding out above her shoulder. her eyes were closed, but she was still breathing.
he had to keep pressing two fingers to her neck, afraid if he pulled away her heart would stop beating.
the truck was only a few feet away, and negan was out of breath from running with essie in his arms. simon and dwight were by the truck, rushing to negan when they saw him. simon took her bag from him, throwing it into the truck.
"she got swiped by a walker." he told them. dwight tried to step closer, but negan shooed him away.
"get into the fucking truck. her and i'll sit in the bed." he ordered, voice stern. the two men rushed into the vehicle, speeding back to the sanctuary just as negan sat down.
he brushed some pieces of hair away from her eyes, cupping her face with one hand.
and in that moment, the man felt regret.
it was odd, how today was one of the first times he had felt both guilt on his shoulders, and remorse tugging at his heart. if he would've just explained all this to essie, no matter if she wanted to hear it or not, they wouldn't be here. between life and death.
if he would've just made her listen before she left that balcony, let her know the real reasons why the middle-aged woman was no longer, none of this would've happened.
but he just couldn't say anything on that balcony. he felt he had been defeated. he could still hear her harsh words in his head, echoing over and over again. they would've brought tears to his eyes if he didn't suddenly hear the sanctuary gate opening.
slowly, the truck lurched into the place, and as he steadily stood up, he ordered for dr. carson to meet him and essie in her room.
"sir, do you need any help?" dwight asked him, causing negan to stop in his tracks.
"no. i need to deal with this alone. with her." negan never looked up from her face as he turned back to go inside.
similar to a couple days ago, there was no one in the cafeteria when he walked up the stairs. they were all outside, too afraid to bother the king who had the queen in his arms.
glancing over at the balcony was a mistake when he made it upstairs, and it was like he could see him and essie there, from hours ago. he could see the pain in his own eyes, his expression as she tore him apart for what he had done.
