Cheshire Blast! The Adventures of Pepper and Dot

Skunk Diaper

Dot woke with a start when a large handmade satchel landed on her head.

"Sweet flying fish-!" she exclaimed, opening her eyes and rubbing her hair. "What's the big idea?"

"My apologies, miss." the lean man hovering over her replied. Pepper retrieved his graduation present from the sleeping giant's head.

"You ass... don't tell me you tried to stick that thing in the overhead compartment- it's already full! Ne sois pas stupide?"

Pepper rolled his eyes. <Great. I've been seated next to some fake French bearcat...>

"It was an honest mistake. No need to be so temperamental Miss Frenchy."

Dot glared at the man as if her eyes drilled holes through his skull. "Whatever. Just hurry and sit down... I'm trying to get some sleep here."

The astronomer forced a grin and took his seat beside her and placed the handmade bag on his lap...then he saw it. The long, cylindrical case on the floor at the irritated woman's feet. It was the right shape and the right size—it even had a star constellation embroidered on the cap (albeit one he wasn't familiar with). Pepper's eyes lit up.

"What a coincidence. Are you an astronomer too?' he asked enthusiastically.

Dot looked up and furrowed her brow. "Huh?" she asked as she removed her headphones.

Pepper gestured toward the scientific instrument . "That's a telescope case- are youinto astronomy?"

Dot pointed a condemning finger at him. "One: I thought I told you to stay quiet. Two: for your information, yes, yes there is a telescope in there. And three... how did you know that?"

Pepper grinned.

"Any astronomer worth his salt knows what a scope carrying case looks like, even if it's as old and beat up as that one is—no offense."

Dot scoffed as she kicked the heirloom that lay on the floor.

"None taken. My uncle gave it to me as a present. I was planning on chucking it off the train, but I think I'll use it for decoration when I get to my new place."

Pepper frowned. "What a shame. Telescopes aren't to decorate... they're to gain knowledge and understanding of the infinite cosmos that surrounds us." he declared passionately.

Dot rolled her eyes. "Gee. You're such a scholar."

"Don't take the scholarly so lightly. One day we'll be the cat's pajamas... everyone will want to dress like us, thick-rimmed glasses and all. Science will be used in all facets of life, prestigious intellectuals will own the largest companies, and every matinee will be full of masked adventurer serials!" Pepper rebutted.

Dot stared back. "Is that what they taught you in your scholar classes? Now shut up and let me get some sleep."

The tiny apartment was dusty, old, and cheap; but most importantly, it was cheap. After an agonizing 14 flights of stairs, Dot forced an exhausted smile in gratitude she brought only 2 pieces of luggage... aside from the annoying telescope slung across her back. After fighting with the rusty lock and key, she opened the door to apartment 211 and groaned.

"Sweet flying fish this place is small. And ugly. It looks like an outhouse and a junkyard had a baby, and the baby wore a diaper made of skunks."

She covered her nose after a whiff of stale air. "Blegh. Smells like one too."

"It smells like a baby?" a voice behind her asked.

"No you idiot. A skunk. Wait- wha-?" Dot spun around and saw the same man from the train use his extra foot of height to peer over her and into the apartment.

"Hey!" she yelled. "Qu'est-ce que vou foutez, harceleur?" The five-foot-zero boxer closed her fist and let fly a massive uppercut that nearly lifted the man off his feet. Pepper groaned as he clutched his stomach.

"Goodness woman... that was a down right fierce punch. Who taught you that?"

The petite lady smirked and dusted her knuckles. "I have my uncle's partner to thank for that, Scholar. And unless you wanna see what else I've learned, you had better get the flying fish out of here." She turned to slam the door in his face but froze after what he said next.

"I can't 'get out of here'... because I live here."

"WHAT?" she shouted, turning around with fists clenched.

"Whoa little lady- hold on now-" Pepper replied, and produced a formal document from his pocket. "-listen- I assume you signed a Cohabitation Cost Splitter Lease, right? One which states you're willing to live with another person of unknown origin as long as they pay at least 50% of the rent?"

Dot snatched the paper from him and scanned it.

"Well... yeah..." she started "...but...don't tell me it's with you of all people?"

The gentleman smiled and tipped an imaginary hat. "Pepper Xavier Bates, at your service."

Dot rolled her eyes. "...You ain't servicing anything, mister." The girl turned around and stormed into the apartment. Pepper sighed.

"Um... would you mind giving me my paperwork back?"

Pepper stepped into one of the twin bedrooms and cursed the architect who made it so small. Light from a tiny window illuminated the room but proved to only highlight its diminutive size. An old mattress dominated the space which allowed little space for more than a nightstand or two.

"At least it has a window..." he murmured, with there being only two in the apartment. As he stepped in further, a tan blur catapulted from behind him.

"That one's mine!" Dot declared, having thrown her suitcase into the dusty room. Pepper refused to budge.

"The hell it is- I was here first!" he refuted. Dot stood on her toes and raised her fist, burning for a reason to break a few more of his ribs. "Listen here Scholar—you're a man, and by 'man' I mean gentleman: which means ladies first. Besides, officially speaking, I signed the rental paperwork first which means I am the main owner which means I get to choose. So get. Out. Of my. Room."

Pepper rolled his eyes but knew she was mostly right. "Whatever, Crazy. The other room's nicer anyway." But after seeing it, he discovered it was anything but 'nicer'.

"You gotta be kidding me- This is nothing more than a glorified broom closet!"

Dot laughed mockingly while Pepper looked in disbelief at his room. She walked over and peered inside. "Sweet flying fish... that is small." she jested, pointing at the tiny space. "I hope you can do that samurai thing where they sleep on the floor!"

Pepper smirked. "Actually, having once visited Nippon, I am proud to say I can- and will- do just that."

Dot punched him gently on the shoulder. "That's the spirit, Scholar. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a few job interviews to crush tomorrow- so time to catch some z's."

Pepper nodded. "Yeah, it's been kind of a long day. And please stop calling me that."

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