Think. || A Collection Of Poems

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Questions are asked everyday,
And sometimes those questions are more difficult to answer than it seems,
When asking me questions,
Do not expect answers,
My mind doesn't work in that way,

And I see faces,
Looking at me from all directions,
Of course this is just an expression,
I don't see them,
Or hear them,
But they are taunting me,
They blacken my soul and
on my mind,
They leave grazes

I'm sorry that I'm living my life a walking black hole,
Sucking all the light out of it,
Darkening areas as though
I have a bucket of black paint and I'm splashing it everywhere
I'm sorry that I am not whole

It must hurt, mustn't it?
Your only daughter,
The one you raised,
First child,
Living her life, but being sick of it

I want to say something,
But my throat closes up and my vocal chords die when I try,
And the one time that I did say something,
It hurt too much so I ran away from the problem,
Brushing it off,
As though it was nothing,

You see,
I make myself out to be strong and confident,
But on the inside I'm the opposite,
I put myself down for every flaw that I have,
Even if you don't see them,
There are flaws that I have hiding,
Tiny little demons,
Reminding me,
The problem was and always has been me,

I am sorry that I don't view myself as perfect,
That you tell me you love me,
But then you tell me that I can't wear certain clothes,
And not revealing tops or dresses,
But clothes that I am comfortable in,
Because I'm an embarrassment,
But you're not the problem,
I am.
I have to accept myself,
See that I am more than nothing,
But I still don't feel worth it,

I don't want you to think that by writing this it is attention that I seek,
No,
I want you to realise that I'm hurt
That I'm stressed,
That I'm not that happy,
That I can be weak

And I want to tell you that I love you,
I don't say it enough,
And that is what I am truly sorry about,
Not the fact that I don't leave my room or that I sleep my days away,
No,
I'm sorry if it seems like I don't,
Because I really truly,
Do.

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