its complicated

friendships, confessions, kisses-you know, the minor details

   "And who is this?" Monique pouted.

   "Cherish? Why are you here?"

   "I had to see you." Monique froze in the middle of re-applying her lipstick.

   "Ethan, why does the Freak Show need to see you?"

   "Not now, Monique." As she gaped incredulously, Ethan turned his attention back to me.

   "What happened?" he asked, noticing my bruises. I glanced over at the she-devil, indicating that I wanted to talk to him alone.

   "I think you should go" he said to her. She stormed past me, making a noise of obvious disgust. Ethan and I went into his room.

   "Did Chloe beat you?" He asked softly. I nodded. He gingerly took my left arm.

   "You cut?" He sounded almost in tears. I nodded again. Then he hugged me, and I could feel his chest gently heaving as he cried. I nestled into the crook of his neck and sobbed.

   "I'm so sorry. You needed me and I wasn't there" he said. It felt so good to have him back again. We broke apart, sniffling.

   "Ethan, I gotta tell you something." Total and complete honesty starts here and now. How should I start?

   "Connor invited me to his house after our fight" his expression didn't change.

   "While we were there, he started talking and then..." my eyelashes swept down to the floor.

   "He kissed me" my voice cracked as the whispered words were vocalized. He was silent for a few seconds, and I didn't dare look into his eyes. I wasn't sure how he would react. When my eyes flicked up to him, he looked defeated.

   "I'm sorry"

   "No, I'm not mad" not mad at me I couldn't help but think.

   "What about Connor?" His eyes flashed with emotion, but he just grunted.

          Cars pass as we sit in Ethan's driveway.

   "Do you really like Monique?" I ask. After a pause, he says,

   "I...I think so." Silence.

   "I'm gonna go get us some apple cider" he blurts. I sit still as he gets up of the cement and heads inside, the door clicking behind him. My fingernails dig into the rough surface of the driveway and loose bits of gravel roll beneath my palms. A red car swings around the corner and accelerates past me. The sky is clear and blue with a few clouds suspended just over the treetops. Leaves skitter from the taunt of the wind. I sit there, knees curled, fingers interlaced around them. A minute later, Ethan's there, bringing two mugs through the threshold. He sits and hands me one. I sip at the hot liquid.

   "My Great Grandma made these mugs" he says, gesturing to the green, clay mug cupped in my hands. I can tell he doesn't want to talk about Monique.

   "Got any Frito's?" I joke. He smiles.

   "Always."

          "Cherish!" My head turns instinctively towards the sound of my name. It's Connor, coming fast through the crowd of lunch-goers. He nearly drops his tray in his haste. I roll my eyes and plop down on the bench.

   "I can't just forget about you" he says, sitting down next to me. I spear a piece of lettuce in my salad.

   "I thought we were...you know..."

   "Ummm, actually no, I don't know" I sass back at him.

   "Together" he whispers and a flutter spreads through me.

   "Together?" I repeat just as quietly. His eyes are directed at the floor. I study him, but then he looks up and I glance away. He nods slowly.

   "I mean, we kissed and... that meant something to me"

   "Me too" the words came from nowhere and out of my mouth. He puts his hand on the seat next to mine and slowly moves it closer until our pinkies touch.