Love Yourself

The Tea

It was still early but I didn't care I was headed to Maya's dorm room. I knew it wouldn't be a problem because her roommate left every Friday to go home. She didn't stay too far from the campus. I walked to her build and made my way to her door. I knocked what seems like forever before Maya came to the door. "Yaz I told you I wasn't going to breakfast." She said in a whiny voice as she got back in her bed. "Girl I've already been. I got some tea" she popped her head from under the cover "Tea?" one thing about maya she was a real messy bitch she lived for the tea. I laughed at how alert she now was waiting for me to spill it. "Well not really tea but ... just listen." "So I'm in the cafe eating my breakfast and guess who walks up to me and ask to join me" I said building the anticipation. "Who?" Maya said unbothered "Guess bitch." I said knowing she would never guess" " I don't know Yaz just tell me."  She was getting impatient. "Jamal" I looked at her waiting on her reaction. "Jamal who?" She said sitting up in her bed throwing her neck to the side as if to say not Football Jamal. "Yes bitch Jamal on the football team" I said confirming her thoughts "Omg girl you had Breakfast with him" she asked excited.  "Well no." I looked down "Why not?" "Well I thought it was some type of joke so I told him no basically I was kind of rude" I said ashamed. "What the hell Yaz what made you think it was a joke" she looked confused. "Why would Jamal want to eat breakfast with my fat ass" she rolled her eyes. "Girl you are tripping for real." " You are beautiful Yasmin yea you aren't a size two but you're shape is still bomb and YOU are beautiful. You have to stop with all that insecure shit." She said getting out of her bed going over to her vanity mirror wiping the sleep from her eyes "If you were busted do you think I would be hanging with you" we giggled "You right it's just" I paused I tried to avoid this conversation I hated talking about how fat I was. "I don't know. Well what should I do know" I asked "You should apologize for being a Bitch that's what you should do" I thought about it I didn't want him to think I was a bitch but I also was too embarrassed to approach him again. "I'm not doing a damn thing today" Maya said grabbing a granola bar from her snack shelf getting back into her bed. I didn't have anything planned either it was the weekend I had a paper to write but like always I was putting it off until Sunday night. I had to get better with managing my time. "Do you think Jamal could be interested in me" I asked curiously. "I don't know maybe" she said flipping thru channels. "You would know if you let the man sit with you" sarcasm dripping from her voice. I rolled my eyes jokingly. " I guess he just caught me off guard." " yea yea" she brushed me off she was getting snuggled back in her bed I knew she was heading back to sleep soon. "Well I'm going to go back to my room and try to get some of my paper done I might be back later" I said getting up walking to the door. "Okay girl see you later" I walked out. Walking towards my dorm I couldn't stop thinking about Jamal and how rude I was. Maybe I'm over thinking it or maybe I was right it was a joke. I walked thru the campus people were starting to come out of their dorms it was a nice day outside maybe I'll sit out here for a while. Our campus was beautiful something out of a movie. I found a bench under a tree put my feet up and browsed on my phone going back and forth between Instagram,twitter and Facebook. I looked up I saw Jamal walking with his teammates coming my way "Oh lord why was this happening right now" my nerves kicked in I was contemplating getting up and walking away but I couldn't move. I looked back to my phone "Hey I'll catch up with y'all later okay" omg no "Alright man" I heard the exchange of handshakes and the two guys walking away. I couldn't bring myself to look up. He didn't say anything but I could see him standing over me out the corner of my eye. I could feel my stomach doing flips. I just kept scrolling on my phone. I'm being a bitch I thought to myself. "Just look up." I said to myself. I looked up at him and he was looking down at me "Hi." I said "Can I sit here or do you still want to be alone." I moved my feet. He sat down. "I'm Jamal." He said Extending his hand. "Yazmin." I said putting my small hand in his to shake it. "Hey sorry about earlier I wasn't trying to be rude I just... you caught me off guard" I said blushing with shame. " it's all cool I'm not tripping shawty I just wanted some company while I ate my breakfast you good." He said I felt a little better after hearing he didn't think I was a complete bitch. "So you from Atlanta?" He asked. "No I'm from about an hour away small town." I told him "Oh okay. I've never seen you on campus before today" he told me which kind of sucked because we've been in social settings together a couple times when I went out with Maya and Shay.  I laughed "We have been around each other before plenty of times" I told him "Really? where?" "Well parties and kickbacks." "You know Shay and Maya right" I asked "Yea those are the homies" he said so nonchalant. How could he have noticed them and not me. I guess nobody notices the fat girl. My feelings were hurt. " I guess it showed on my face. "What's wrong?" He asked. "Nothing but umm Maya and Shay are my best friends"  I told him completely over the conversation "Oh okay I think I remember you now" he said as if the light bulb had just went off in his head. "Yep" I said. I was ready to make my escape. "Well I'm going to be going now okay it was nice talking to you" I dragged out "you"to let him know I had forgotten his name. Even tho I really hadn't. "Jamal." He said "Oh okay I remember now Jamal" I said mocking his previous tone. I walked away. I know he didn't deserve that but I was in my feelings. All the times I've been around him he's never noticed me.