Moments

Earning His Wings

There are two, distinct periods in Isak's life: B.E. and A.E.

Before Even, Isak lived in a state of fear that had become so routine to him, so constant, that he only really felt the weight of it when he was alone. In his room, he could let his defense rest. There was no one there to judge him, no jury to find him guilty of being too gay, or not gay enough.

Alone, he could be his uncertain, scared, and lonely self. Because, out in the world – with his friends and his classmates and even his roommates – he'd constructed a careful version of Isak Valtersen. Confident, carefree, cock-sure.

Fake, yes, but give the kid a fucking Amanda Award for Best Actor. Isak deserved it for his daily performances. No one suspected, and if they did, they didn't care enough to look behind the mask he'd worn.

And then he met Even.

No matter how hard Isak tried, Even could see him. See through him. See the core of him, and that had been fucking scary. Still is.

After meeting Even, Isak realized there was another way to be. Real. Open. Courageous.

Even is brave.

Isak is learning to be.

Take this PDA thing, for instance.

Isak and Even are hanging out with the usual squad. It's Sunday night, so not much beer is flowing. Linn is in her room, as always, so they're quiet.

Well, quiet-ish. Eskild has two volumes, loud and louder, but even he is subdued tonight. He's found a cool, new show that he thinks they all should watch, something called Eyewitness, and so they are. It's not bad.

Jonas and Mahdi are sitting on the floor, listening to music on a pair of shared headphones. Some band Mahdi insists will be "the next one to break out of Norway."

Eva has shown up with Chris again, and Isak still can't wrap his head around that one. They're sharing the oversized armchair, huddled over a bowl of chips and chatting softly. Isak is surprised to see the affection on Chris's face when he looks at her. Huh.

Magnus and Vilde are out on a date, apparently. Good for them. Isak has no idea where Noora is.

As for Isak and Even, they're cuddling. Honest-to-goodness cuddling. In front of his friends. Without the aid of any significant amount of alcohol, this time.

Progress.

Even's arms feel good around him. Amazing. And he's doing that thing with Isak's hair that Isak secretly loves, though he sometimes complains about it when they're in public. Long fingers get lost in his curls, and Isak tries hard not to shiver from the delicate contact.

He wants to melt into Even, dissolve into his touch, but he always stops himself. Right now, he's wondering why.

EVEN: [in Isak's ear] Relax.

ISAK: [turns his head a bit, so that he can whisper] I am relaxed.

He leans a little more into Even, delighted when Even's arm tightens around him. Isak takes a breath and lets it out slowly, willing his body to let go of the tension he always seems to carry. He wants to be at ease with this, with everything.

EVEN: [whispers] Is this too much for you?

ISAK: [matching Even's tone] No, no. Don't stop.

Even presses a kiss to Isak's neck, and Isak can feel him smile against his skin.

He smiles too and bites his lip as his gaze darts around the room. No one is paying them any attention, so he relaxes a bit more into Even's embrace.