Adore: A Special Event (BOOK 4 VOL. 1) || PRN

1

March 21, 1997
Chanhassen, Minnesota

I couldn't be more flabbergasted by the way time has passed. The core of my ignorance to flying clocks has been my immersion in planning the wedding I always wanted, having to go against my humble beginnings and use all of my fiancé and I's status to get things where I want them in a flash. It's not as last minute as a panicking shotgun wedding in the making that was meant to be had in Paris, but it isn't ideal either. I've had to jump through a lot of hoops to get here. Or, was I carefully placed on his back as he did the jumping?

He respected how much I wanted to take my time with him, though I still see said time as a negotiation to the second man trying to drag me to a courthouse. The complexities surrounding us weren't as easy to ignore after that emotional binge in my New York City residence was finished. Our undying connection lives on like a phoenix, forever sprouting from the ashes of burned bridges, but sometimes those flames flicker on in a one-sided attempt to stay lit. Then, it wasn't fun phone calls and cute, flirty games anymore. Decisions needed to be made as our reputation became something to question.

No one knew why he married her, most didn't even know if the charade was ever fully legalized. Hell, I had to get him drunk for my unfiltered truths. So though I may know what the internal wirings to this busted down machine were looking like, they were easily fooling the outside world. I guess he knew I'd be uncomfortable with the optics of our scenario and that was why he asked me to think about marrying him because the butterflies died when I saw him sitting with her on Bryant's morning segment.

But after all that thinking, I hadn't made all of the decisions I wanted in relation to a possible marriage.

"What about this green? We can have a soft, but strong, green." I say aloud, flipping through books. Britney, my previous wedding planner, taught me a lot. I have most of the details down and tightly packed. I started planning with Jason and, though that went to shit, Britney taught me a lot about wedding planning. "Baby, what do you think of this?" I hold up the swatch for him to see.

He's sitting with his chin pressed into the palm of his hand. The gray, high-neck sweater he wears keeps him wrapped up nice and cozy as he overcomes a cold. I was scared we wouldn't get this far but some crazy way, God whipped us into shape. The stars aligned, I guess.

"I like the lavender you chose the first time."

Sighing as I send an annoyed and ever so slightly frustrated grimace into his direction, I find myself correcting him. "I don't think you're paying attention because now, we're looking at the greens..."

"Oh, then no. Olive green with lavender?" His nose turns up, recognizing how horrific the combination sounds.

I ask, "What about violet?"

"What about anything but purple," he asks, hands twinkling on the sides of his face with the light of his platinum ring glistening.

It's a ring I'd gifted him from Greece many, many, many moons ago but he kept it all these years, unbeknownst to me. He's worn it on and off for years, whether we were on good terms or not. When he showed up on my doorstep, his fingers were naked. When he showed up on my television, his finger was decorated in platinum rather than the usual gold base. I couldn't stomach my feelings. Joy or disgust that a man posing as married on national television was discretely winking at me, counting his days to see me.

Then, I had to hear the edited girl on the corner story again, as if it were original, when he was on The Rosie O'Donnell Show last month as he flashed it. The details of it never moved me, probably because I'm aware of how often he's said that. According to Matt, Steve, and Mark, he looked at my sister and I and spoke the a variation of those same words at Emerald City. There's my future wife, something he'd throw out when he saw an attractive face and body. He was talking about Aaliyah. I can see now, knowing that, why he was so enthralled by the idea of us being twins.