Obsession

Maul's data pad

Obi-wan had sat next to Maul and leaned up against him. Maul had wrapped an arm around Obi-wan and purred softly. Obi-wan pressed an ear against Maul's chest just to hear the peaceful noise.
"I missed you so much Maul." Obi-wan whispered with a smile on his face. "Let's not leave each other ever again."
"I agree." Maul also whispered holding Obi-wan close to him not carrying about who saw. "It was worse than being tortured by Sidious or any droid. I don't ever want to feel like that again."
"Well there's no need to worry now Maul." Obi-wan looked up at Maul and placed a hand on his cheek. "I'm not going anywhere away from you anytime soon." Obi-wan softly spoke before leaning in and giving Maul a soft kiss.
"No matter anything that may happen Maul, I will always be yours." Obi-wan whispered to him and they both smiled.

Sabine watched as Obi-wan sat down next to Maul and how they usually threatening Zabrak welcomed the Jedi Master into his arms. She nudged Ezra and he was confused about what she wanted when she hushed him. He found out what she wanted him to do when she pointed at Maul and Obi-wan. Ezra couldn't help but feel shocked at seeing Maul act so soft and gentle. Both of them watched as Obi-wan's lips moved when his head was pressed against Maul's chest. They tried to hear what they were saying but Maul and Obi-wan were so quiet that they couldn't even hear them whisper a syllable. Than they both saw the two kiss. If Ezra had any doubts about Maul and Obi-wan truly being together, it was thrown out of the door and buried in the sand. Ezra could tell that there was no tricks. No mind control used and nothing to even done to get Obi-wan to kiss Maul like that. Ezra felt a little ashamed for even thinking that Maul was tricking to trick them when they said Obi-wan was his mate. Still they all just sat there and waited for the others to return with the ship. Ezra couldn't help but feel curious when Obi-wan stood up and grabbed the data pad that Feral gave to Obi-wan. Ezra thought at first Feral was trying to smuggle it to Obi-wan, the way Feral had quietly spoke about it and advised Obi-wan not to read it around Maul. Ezra thought that if he heard the youngest of the two Zabraks than the older one would hear too, but it seemed like Maul was obvious to the whole thing.
Obi-wan walked into the bathroom, the only room disconnected from the others, and he leaned against the wall and looked at the entries. Obi-wan scrolled to see how many entries there were and he was shocked to see the seemingly endless amount of entries. Looking at the dates Maul had wrote 1-3 entries a day and that he wrote every single day not missing even one day.
Obi-wan went back to the very first one and clicked on it.
'Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. I don't need to be writing anything in here it's just proof. Proof of a weakness. Proof of how everything is lost. Proof of how everyone is gone.
There's nothing left. Everything I done was to protect those around me. Now they're all gone. Mandalore and Dathomir. Everything. There's no where to go. Not Coruscant. Not Dathomir. Not Mustafar. No where. There's just space. The darkness. The emptiness. The place void of everything. A thing that rips things away and crushes them without a second thought.
There's no one anymore. Just, ghosts. They talk about how everything is going to get better. I only feel pain worse than I ever have before. And there seems to be only one way to stop it all. To stop everything. The pain. The memories. The voices. The yearn to be around someone who truly understands me.'
Silently Obi-wan clicked onto the next one.
'There's so many things I want to say to you right now, Kenobi,'
Obi-wan paused. This one was address to him. Obi-wan was trying to understand what had happened in the time of the first entry. Now in this entry, sometime after Obi-wan's death, Maul still sought out for the Jedi's comfort. Obi-wan took a deep breath steadying himself. No matter what he reads he had to stay calm and collected. The others could possibly sense how he feels as he reads the entries.
'but I don't know how to start anymore. I guess I could start like this was some kind of letter.
Dear Kenobi,
The first thing I want to ask you right now is why. Why in the blazes did you do those things? First, you send Satine that transmission. I understand why you told her, why you sent me to her. No. I don't really understand that. Why did you want me to be with her? She's too much like you. Your damned pacifism and understanding when to fight and when to run. It's painful to be near her.'
Obi-wan paused again, thinking about how lonely and saddened Maul must have been at the time when Satine had found him.
'It's worse because she doesn't know what to say to me. She doesn't know me to know what to say so she says things that you would say. Why Kenobi? Why did you have to leave me? After you left everyone else started leaving as well. First Savage. Than Mother.'
Obi-wan sighed and thought, so it was after their death's as well when he started these entries.
'I can't bare to watch Feral or Satine leave me now. Not after everyone on Dathomir was killed too. And it was all Sidious. He did this to me. To you. To us.'
Of course, that old Sith never lets anyone have any light. Once he sees it he has to destroy it, Obi-wan thought.
'I had told, that everything was going to be fine and I meant it, but you being the Jedi you are, you just had to be the hero didn't you? We had finally put the past in the past. We were moving on!'
Yes. Everything was in the past than. We were finally accepting each other for who were in the present and not the past, Obi-wan keeps thinking.
'Feral keeps reminding me that you are in the Force now, so that means that you are all around me, watching. But it doesn't feel like it. It feels like Dathomir, Zanbar and Mandalore are all crushing me. I let so many people die,'
As Obi-wan read the entry there was a knock on the door interrupting his reading.
"Obi-wan, the other Rebels have arrived, come on out already." Maul's voice spoke from the other side of the door.
"Ah, yes, I'll be out in a moment!" Obi-wan said quickly and turned off the data pad. He took a deep breath to center himself. He had to remember that whatever was on the data pad was in the past. Writings during desperate time. He couldn't let the younger Jedi see him be moved by entries in a data pad. Not even if they were written by Maul. He couldn't even let Maul see him saddened or upset by the entries. It could cause old wounds to open. If Maul knew he was reading them, Obi-wan could lose his Maul all over again. And losing him again was the last thing he ever wanted.

(A/N: hello readers I'm sorry that this took so long to come out. So tell me if you guys want Obi-wan to read more of the entries and find out that Maul was trying to commit suicide or if Obi-wan should just leave it in the past.)