Glass Hearts

X

Roy

Teeth marks lined her arm. They were everywhere that you could see. It sent me into shock, I froze. Is this why she didn't want me anywhere near her? I was shaking, I was scared. Scared. Something I haven't felt in years. I was scared for Christine. What she might do. How much more it would take before she fell off the ledge.

What shocked me even more is how you could never guess. She always tried to smile through the pain. She tried "fitting in" so no one would notice. She'd smile and laugh, just like everyone else. So that she was just a cookie cutout, something meant to be discarded. It's no wonder she cries so much... It's when she can't handle it anymore.

And people just mock her for it!

I hung my head low, the annoying thoughts attempting to be processed. I slowed my shaking, trying to calm myself. I sat there, staring at Christine's bleak carpet, holding her hand tightly. The comforting warmth reassured me that she was still alive. Still breathing. Still thinking. Here to stay for another day.

My voice was shaky, my mind running circles around me, "Wh... Did... Did you do this...?" It was ultimately wishful thinking, but there could have been someone else for me to blame; beat to a pulp.

"Y-Yes..." Her voice was so quiet, so scared, it made me so devastated.

Looking back up, into her eyes, all I saw was utter terror, "Why?"

"Because... I feel awful... I feel like I'm a worthless piece of garbage, somebody left behind to pollute the Earth. People want me dead." My empty hand turned into a tightly coiled fist, "I want me dead. People don't care for me. The crybaby of Jewel Highschool. The ghost meant to be forgotten..."

"No! That's not true! People care! Do you not know how much I-!" I stopped. My breathing was all over the place.

"No... They don't... Everything I say is true... No one cares..." She sniffled.

I look at her one more time in desperation, "No..." A few tears trickle out my eyes and down my face. Its been forever since I've cried. It's been years.

Christine

I couldn't believe it when I saw the few tears roll down Roy's cheeks. It left me speechless. Not only for the fact that I've never seen him cry, but I always thought he couldn't. That no bone in his body knew sadness. Just anger, and possibly happiness. I couldn't look at him. I looked at our hands touching, his warmth and gentle hand almost had me crack a well needed smile.

Roy leaned forward and wiped away the river of tears that were stinging my arms. I didn't know what to do. It was the awkward and yet comforting silence just like when we first met. We sat, gazing at each other in the eyes. The shade of blue in his eyes he was gifted with is truly beautiful. I almost smiled, but he started interrogating me again.

"How many marks are there?"

"I lost count a while ago... S... S..." I couldn't spit out sorry. I meant to apologize like I always do.

"How... How often do you do this?"

"Often..." I felt so ashamed, I looked away. I wouldn't be surprised if he hated me for the rest of my life.

"Why? Why do you do this?"

"It's so that... Um... The marks fade, they go away quickly. No one ever, ever, knows..."

He seemed so mad, his grip tightened on my hand, "You can't do this? Okay?"

"O-Okay..." Stop looking at me, my mind screamed, ignore me again!

He ended the conversation, scooting over next to me and holding me tight. His arm wrapped around me, and wouldn't let go. My cheeks tinted a light red. He was breathing heavily, did I really send him through a train wreck? I felt like crying again, and profusely apologizing.

He twisted a strand of my hair around his finger, his face appeared like he was pondering something. His eyes then ventured my room, stopping at what seemed to be a picture of me when I was little. A big, toothy grin. My, blonde at the time, hair pulled into pigtails. My eyes were lit up like fireflies. I miss those days...

"Cute..." He whispered.

I looked at him, "Hm?"

"Oh... Erm... Nothing." He let go of my hair, "Actually, why is your hair not blonde like it is in all the pictures?"

I looked the other way, "I dyed my hair to this brown color, because I didn't want to be called a dumb blonde. I used to be called it all the time. I lied and told my mom I wanted to dye because I thought it was pretty. Personally, it just looks like garbage."

"I think it looks very pretty." He uttered with a smile, my cheeks set aflame. His eyes casted downward, his smile disappearing, "Um... About what Matty told me..."

I stiffened, "Wh-What about it?" I stuttered.

He leaned a little closer, "I find it pretty adorable for you to have a crush." He kissed my cheek barely. Even if it was to toy with me, I couldn't stop the stupid smile from plastering my face and that I turned a little red.

"Luke is going to kill you..." I whispered.

"I know." He chuckled.

My mood dropped, "You wanna know something sad?" I asked.

"What?"

"Well, I help people. I know plenty people in school who have 'problems'. Whether it's being suicidal, shy, scared, etc. I still help. I try my hardest, keeping everyone alive and taking some of the weight off their shoulders. I told you how I saved Matty.

But... I can't help myself. You know?" I looked up at him, "All the words I tell everyone else feel like nothing to me. All I say to then is that's not true. That's a lie. No I'm not." Tears began to come back, "How is it that I can save everyone else but not myself?"

Roy fell silent. There was no sounds except my soft sobs, and our breathing. I felt like there was such a distance apart from us. I felt that he was so much better than me. Better than scum. My words hung thickly in the air. I can't be saved. I'm meant to die. I wish I could say my mind. I wish I wasn't such a shell of a person, so easily casted away by just a few words.

I didn't know what to do anymore. I didn't know what I was feeling anymore. I didn't know what I am anymore. I just wanted to be alone again, but also didn't want to leave Roy's open arms. Too many questions were clouding my mind. I missed the days when things were so easy. When I was so innocent and clueless.

Before I knew the cruelity of this cursed world. At least there was the few rare gems, like Roy. Too bad it always seems like they're punished the most. I wish I could save everyone, and honestly, I wouldn't care the cost. I'd give myself up, seeing as no one felt like they needed me anyway.

Maybe someone did need me. Like Matty and the others. Maybe Roy would need me if I was gone. Even if I made him cry... Maybe... I covered my face with my hands. My thoughts so conflicting, it hurt...

There was only one solution, "Hey... Do you want some ice cream?"