Five Stages

Chapter 3: Barganing

Ian thought back to those days of confusion and emotional suppression with mixed emotions. High school hadn’t exactly been a walk in the park, but he and Anthony had finally hit it big when one of their videos had gone viral like they had never expected, the results of which had, in turn, left him feeling exhilarated and accomplished for once in his life, despite their low budget and overly comical acting he and Anthony had shown in the video. His father saw it as a one-time fluke that would eventually fade away in the depths of the internet within weeks, but despite his prediction, their Pokémon lip sync video only continued to gather more and more views as time passed.

Maybe there’s more to this YouTube thing than I thought Ian remembered thinking when he decided to keep making more videos with Anthony. He wanted to make this work. He wanted to prove his dad wrong and be somebody and if this whole Pokémon thing wasn’t a fluke like people were saying, then maybe this could be his one and only chance to jump ahead of the game and with Anthony by his side, nothing could possibly go wrong.

Not even a tiny crush could stop him.

Chapter 3: Bargaining

“Did you see the numbers?”

“No, not yet. Hang on.”

“Hurry up Anthony!”

“What? It’s not like the website’s going anywhere. Chill out, dude.”

“Just get over here and look!”

“Alright, alright, Jesus!”

Anthony walked over to Ian’s computer and loomed over at the screen in front of the two nineteen-year-old teenagers. His light brown eyes widened in surprise. “Holy shit, dude! That’s way more views than yesterday!” he exclaimed.

Ian nodded excitedly. “I know, and look!” He refreshed the page and they had 30 more views within seconds. “If we keep this up who knows what’ll happen! Dude, we could get rich or something!”

Anthony scoffed and shook his head with a dry laugh. “Ian, no one actually makes money off of YouTube. Come on.”

“Maybe not off YouTube itself, but we could get pretty popular. You know, if we get our feet in the water we could strike up some deals, get a little more endorsement. Who knows? We can sell shirts and get our name out there.”

“Maybe even land some hot girlfriends?” Anthony smirked.

Ian felt himself tense up, his smile fading for just a second before returning. “Yeah, totally.” He turned back to the script he had typed out on the screen. Anthony continued talking but unbeknownst to him, Ian had completely tuned out everything around him as his mind focused on the feeling that was growing more and more common when Anthony mentioned anything involving women. That feeling that just wouldn’t leave him alone, and he couldn’t even identify what it was either. The closest thing he could even begin to describe it as was like the dip of a rollercoaster mixed with dread, the tiniest spurts of anger and most of all this strange hollow feeling of loneliness.  

He was beginning to hate it. He tried to push it away, but lately the feeling… no, feelings have been getting stronger and he tried everything he could to stop them, but they always came back stronger and much more persistent than before. He didn’t know how much more he could deal with.

“I didn’t choose to feel this way,” Ian had muttered to his pillow that night after Anthony had left. “Do I even want this…?”

Ian had spent almost the whole night tossing and turning; his mind brimming with questions he was too afraid to answer out loud. Nights like these were becoming much more frequent the more he and Anthony spent time together.  It wasn’t until finally, at 3:36 am after another restless night, he settled onto his back as his pale blue eyes stared up at the dark ceiling and he sighed when his weary mind, tired of retracing every last detail of his emotions, had reached its final decision. “I have to do something about this. Fast.”