Five Stages

Chapter 2: Anger

Denial can sometimes eat away at a person, making them turn away from the truth in anger.

Ian wasn’t angry at Anthony. He was angry at his brain for betraying him. All these years of telling him women are what he should be seeking. Their nice slender fames with curves that drive men wild. Their supple skin and full luscious lips that seem to want to be kissed. All the way to their round, full bosoms that yearn to be touched. It wasn’t like Ian was no longer aroused by them anymore. He just didn’t understand why he suddenly felt these familiar feelings once reserved for the opposite sex towards Anthony now and the idea scared and confused him because he no longer felt in control of his own emotions.

And not having any control over his own mind is what really pissed Ian Hecox off.

Chapter 2: Anger

A school year had passed since that awkward incident in the bathroom. Ian wished he could say he’d forgotten about it completely but every once in a while when he would be hanging out with Anthony, the feelings would come flooding back, like some rampantly annoying reminder that said “oh by the way, you’re gay for Anthony” when he least expected it and each time he would try to block out the feelings and scold his brain for thinking such things, especially when Anthony was so nearby when it happened. By now he had quit Cross Country despite his teammate’s and parent’s wishes because he wanted to focus more on making videos and working to pay for equipment. He was also feeling really apprehensive about what he wanted to do after high school because of all the pressure his parents and the school councilor were giving him. His mailbox was already flooding with college pamphlets that frequently misspelled his name, practically begging him to apply to their school, but he just carelessly tossed them in the garbage, only to find a short time later that his mother had fished them out and strewn them on his bed.

“What are you doing with your life, son?” his father suddenly asked when he and Anthony were in the middle of filming a video in the living room. Ian was caught off guard by the question and Anthony sat back silently, not wanting to interfere.

“Dad, can we not do this right now? Anthony’s here,” he whispered a little harshly to his father. His father looked over Ian’s shoulder to Anthony and shrugged.

“So? What difference does that make? In fact, Anthony! What are your plans after high school?”

Ian sighed in frustration and turned his eyes downward, feeling pretty terrible that Anthony had somehow gotten roped into another soon-to-be argument about his future. This is pretty much how they always started.

Anthony moved his arms to his sides and cleared his throat nervously. “Well um, I guess I want to try to get a career in web development and hopefully make a name for myself.”

Ian’s father looked impressed and nodded seemingly pleased with his answer. “That’s good. That’s good. Ya hear that Ian? Your friend’s got some big plans lined up for his future.” He turned to look at his exasperate son clutching his camera in hand, then back to Anthony. “Got any colleges in mind?”

“A few, yeah,” Anthony answered back hesitantly, noticing Ian’s discomfort on the subject.

“Wonderful! Your parents must be so proud of you,” he laughed, even though none of the two teens laughed with him. He turned once again to his son who was already braced for what came next as it always did. “You should be taking notes from this kid, Ian. He’s planning a real future for himself, not some dead-end video shenanigan thing like you are.”

“Dad, can we please talk about this later? Anthony and I are busy,” Ian argued feeling he needed to step up in front of his friend.

His father’s eyes went from false cheeriness and narrowed darkly. He leaned closer to Ian and frowned. “Son, when are you gonna grow up like the rest of us and stop wasting your life on all this pointless bullshit? For God’s sake you’re even dragging your friends into this and pulling them away from their own bright futures.”