Old School Love - z.m

Chapter Fourty

CHAPTER FOURTY

EMILYS POV

I've lost Zayn a while ago, and I stop running. I'm nearby our secret place and decide to walk over there, and sit down. I lean against the window and with my back against the wall, I slide down and sit on the ground while I stare outside.

I feel tears come up as I think about what just happened. I ruined the whole relationship I had with Zayn, because I didn't let him explain. I broke my own heart, cried my eyes out and it was all my fault. I am so stupid, I can't believe this.

"Emily..." Zayn, who managed to find me and is now standing right in front of me, says, "please don't run away again"

I refuse to look into his eyes, knowing that it would only make me hate myself more.

He sits down next to me, he brings his knees up to his chest, and embraces them with his arms. We both stare into the distance as we stay in silence.

"Emily, I'm so sorry for everything I did, and didn't" Zayn begins, "I should've told you that the management wanted me to date Perrie, that she kissed me when you came in, and I should've stood up when that happened. I should've never got along with that contract, I shouldn't have let them take you away from me. And there are many more things I should've done, and shouldn't have done, and if I could I would change them all, but I can't..." he says, “how hard I try, I just can’t…I’m so sorry”

I look at him as I hear that he is deadly serious about this. We both hate eye contact, so when he looks up to me I immediately look away. I did notice his watery eyes in the 0.2 nanosecond we had eye contact.

“I am so sorry” he says still looking at me.

“It was my fault”

“No it wasn’t, you were just being your amazing self, I was acting like a dick”

“If I just asked what was going on, and if I just though before I said something this wouldn’t have happened” I say as I feel tears come down my face as I look at him.

“Emily, I love you, and the chance that I will ever stop doing that isn’t even there” he says as he grabs my hand, “and I miss you. I miss my best friend. I miss the girl that gives me a smile on my face with just a text. I miss your laugh, your voice, your smell, your curls… I just miss you, and I would do anything to get your smile back into my miserable life” he says, I see a tear rolling down his cheeks from the corner of my eye.

I can’t just tell him that I still love him, and crush my lips on his. How bad I really want to do that right now, I can’t. But seeing him cry just really breaks my heart, I can’t let him cry.

“I don’t know…”

“I don’t want to make you do things you don’t want. So I’m fine if you don’t want this.”

"It isn't, not for you but also not for me. I can't keep avoiding you. I can't be scarred to hear one of your songs when I'm at the supermarkets. I can't keep walking away from my feelings”

“Emily, just … tell me”

“Tell you what? That I still love you? That those stupid feelings didn't get away, and that they probably never will? That I lie to myself to make me feel better?" I ask him, "I keep telling myself how horrible you are, and how much I hate you, just so the feelings won't grow. I keep lying to myself, knowing that deep in here, I still love you”