struggles

five.

btw most of this chapter is just Collins' memories of a secret that he hasn't shared with anyone 

I sat in the patient's seat in a doctor's office and the bright lights illuminated the entire room, reflecting off of the clean white walls. It was an eerie room, but I remembered it quite well. A man walked in- his hair was white and he wore circular glasses. Doctor Bauer.

"Hello, Mr. Vuitton. It's been quite a while, hasn't it?" he asked in his thick German accent as he sat on a swivel chair across from the patient's seat. "Your parents have informed me that you had another... episode... at school."

Before I could reply, sections of the memory of the 'episode' flashed across my mind. 

"Fancy yourself a hero, Collins? Hmm?" the guy who said this leaned over me and held me by my wet hair. I was extremely short of breath, my lungs were burning for oxygen but before I could get an entire breath, the guy pushed my head into the water of the fountain at school.

The scene changed and this time, I elbowed the dude in his sternum as hard as I could and pulled my head out of the water. A couple of his goons ran over, but the scene changed. Again. Now I towered over the guy who had dunked me and his goons, who all lay on the ground unconscious. My head dripped with water and my nose with blood. This burning rage inside of me had been tearing me up until I saw all of them on the ground.

"Yes, Mister Vuitton. These outbursts of rage you are experiencing are called Intermittent Explosive Disorder, or IED." As Doctor Bauer said this, I looked down at my feet. "Mister Vuitton? Don't let your mind roam. This is a very serious subject. You have hurt innocent people."

"They weren't innocent," I muttered.

"Yes they were, Mister Vuitton." The doctor's voice had turned from friendly to much more stern. He stood and walked around the patient's chair and looked at a clipboard. "Sutton Callaway? She was innocent. Never harmed you, never intended on hurting you."

I rolled my eyes and said, "Hah. She probably told you that."

"Dalton Kennedy? He was only a classmate. It was reported that you were seen standing in front of his unconscious body along with other young men like him."

"He was being an asshole, okay?"

"Among these men were Cliff Crutchfield, Hanes Alderman, and Sanford Chaplin."

"I get it, doctor. I flip out when I get angry."

"I am afraid you don't understand, Mister Vuitton," Bauer said. He slammed the clipboard down on a desk and started yelling. "They were innocent, Collins. INNOCENT."

I stood up and pushed the light that was connected to the patient chair against the wall, shattering it. "They weren't fucking 'innocent'. They hurt me. Self defense, doctor."

"Mister Vuitton, please calm down and take your seat again."

"Tell yourself that," I said, slamming my fist down on the desk, suddenly unlocking strength I never knew I had and clearing a hole into the desk. My ears started ringing as I slowly released my rage out on several different objects and the doctor just huddled into the corner. When I stopped, my breath was heavy and I glared at the doctor, knuckles white. The ringing in my ears slowly started to get louder and it droned out all of the other sounds.

"Mister Vuitton...?" the doctor asked, but my vision was so blurry he only looked like a giant blob that soon enough blended into the white walls. "Mister Vuittooonnn?" he asked once more, but I was already going back to real time.