struggles

seven.

"Miiiiikaaaa..." I sung out loud, walking down the gravel path in the not-so-dense forest near the condos. The baseball bat my hand gripped dragged behind me, bumping over the rocks every now and then. Every other minute or so, the memory of Elle unconscious on the ground would flash in my eyes and the rage would surpass the limit I could handle.

Bzzzt.... Bzzzt... my phone vibrated in my pocket. Now really wasn't the time, but it was Elle. I opened the text and read "What happened? Where ARE you?" Elle had only sent it a couple seconds ago, but before I could reply, another memory of Elle hit me and I screamed with rage, throwing my phone aside.

"MIKA GET THE HELL OUT OF HIDING. IS IT JUST THAT YOU'RE TOO AFRAID TO SHOW YOUR UGLY-ASS FACE? HMM?" I couldn't handle the stress, anxiety and rage all at the same time, I exploded with rage. "TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE, YOU GODDAMN BITCH!" 

I screamed extremely loud, finding it somewhat calming- but the rage just came back. I lifted the baseball bat and slammed it into the trees beside me, almost injuring my arm, but I could take it. Small splinters came flying off of the trees and hit me, breaking the skin, but the pain only enraged me more. I put a plant-foot down, brought the baseball bat behind my head and screamed once more, swinging it as hard as I could towards the tree and hit it, shattering the entire baseball bat in the process.

I sat there shaking with my sweat-drenched hair hanging over my forehead. The ground was fuzzy and my legs were struggling to uphold the rest of my body. My breathing was heavy and quick but I couldn't manage to get an entire breath. I fell to my knees and felt my eyes burn and a warm sensation on my cheeks as tears rolled down them. I tried to go back to my rage to stop the tears and slammed my fists into the ground, but I just sat there crying.

I wanted to tell myself that I wasn't weak, that I could stop the tears, but that wasn't in my power. The tears flooded out of my eyes along with all of my emotions. Knowing that Elle was hurt and I couldn't do anything to help her was the worst of it.

My feelings of Elle weren't mutual anymore, and I couldn't bear to lose her. The tears eventually slowed and came to a stop.

"I can't control this," I muttered to myself and chuckled a bit. I looked up at the sun that was setting directly in front of the spot where I sat. I sighed and stood up, walking over to my phone which was buzzing again. Damn thing must be broken. I already read the text, I though. It kept on buzzing so I picked it up and replied: "Doesn't matter." I didn't want her to have to remember anything bad, so I just left her with that.

Deciding to take it easy for the rest of the evening, I put on my Ray Bans that were intended for the pool and leaned back on a tree and stared at the different shades of pink, orange and purple of the sunset that streaked across the sky. I just thought about all of my mistakes and my life in the past and just laughed out loud.

"Damn I'm stupid. Fuck it." I yelled, taking off my sunglasses and throwing them behind me.

"You have a terrible arm," I heard someone say. I spun around and looked up at the top of the hill behind the area where I sat. It was Elle.

"Elle...?" I queried, startled. Her face was illuminated by the sunset, her eyes almost glowing. She smiled at me and I smiled back at her, extremely glad to see her. She held out my Ray Bans and I rolled my eyes and smiled, standing and running up the hill to retrieve them.

"You good?" I asked, seeing as the cut on her forehead was- stitched.

"Yeah, yeah I'm good," she said, nodding. I put my hand to her stitches but before I could feel them, she hugged me. I smiled softly and hugged back. She murmured an apology I couldn't really hear, but I didn't need to.