Enchanted

Chapter Fifteen

Diary Entry

It's like, the more I try, the less I feel. In desperate need for something real. Why, lately I ain't been the same? I try so hard to hide behind this pain. I search, but I can't ever find. Can't seem to leave my past behind. Cause all the ones I hope to stay are all the one who fade away. Truth is I think about you often. I miss your voice, I miss your smile that I used to get lost in. I know you know I have this thing for you, I never lost it. I think I just lost myself, in the midst of the non-sense
9 times out of 10, I'd close my eyes and dream about you. Don't know what it was, but you just had this thing about you. Lately we've been distant, see, I just can't be without you
and my soul got so attached to yours, I can't be me without you but we hate ourselves because we run from the people we love
and we all hold on to the past 'cause we miss what it was. Don't wanna feel so we try to numb the pain with these drugs. Living in hell, 'cause we lost faith in the place up above
and my anxiety is breaking me, it kills me.
I'm living in a world so fake, I lost touch of the real me. Had to take a look back, just to ask me if I'm still me and would I still stand for this if they wanted to kill me? I can't take it no more, I just can't take it no more. I can't smile like I'm okay, I just can't fake it no more
I can't act like I've been happy and complacent no more. Cause every time I try to change, it is the same as before. My karma is coming, my karma is coming, it's weighting in
I'm drinking 'till all my feelings just fade away again and mama, she always told me "this ain't the way to live" but when you feel what I'm feeling that's just the way it is. I'm trying not to break down but I just can't hide this pain. Saw myself in the mirror and I'm just not the same. But who's to blame? I guess we all change. We hurt the ones we love because of our pain. Fuck.