@Maichardology

Guilt

"Any questions?" , she asked her class.

"Nothing ma'am" , as usual. But today is different. Gusto niyang ibangon ang pride niya sa nangyari nung nakaraan.

"Mr.Mayuringgo asked me one time , what love is.." , she said making her whole class focus their attention to her.

"I wanted to say sorry for giving you a stupid answer. On second thought , that wasn't stupid at all. Siguro kung sino man ang unang nagsabi ng love is blind yun talaga ang definition niya ng pag-ibig. I just realised na lahat tayo , may iba ibang definition ng pag-ibig. Depende kung ano ang nararamdaman natin. When we are inlove , we are full of words. Madaling makahagilap ng mga salita dahil nga sa tayo ay inspired. But if we're not. Nagrerely lang tayo sa given definitions ng mga taong totoong nakaranas ng pagmamahal. You will never understand how it feels , until you experience it." , she paused then she remembered him. How she loved him smiling despite of his disarranged teeth. How she loved when he danced ludicrously with her even if he looked like a post beacause he's so thin. How she loved his eyes. How admired him for not being afraid of taking risk. How she wanted to say that he's special.

"If you're going to ask me again , what love is ? I'll answer you this time with my own definition. Love is when you're not afraid to take a risk on having a beautiful opportunity. To be happy. To be crazy. To be rejected and to get hurt. Cause falling in love is risking you're heart even if there is a big chance for you to end up crying. But still , you'll take the beautiful opportunity to be loved by the one you love." , she smiled.

"Ma'am , pwede po mag-follow up question?"

Her head knotted automatically when Mr.Mayuringgo raised his hand.

"Go ahead"

"Sabi niyo , magkakaroon ka lang ng sarili mong definition ng pag-ibig kapag naranasan mo na ito. You already gave your own definition. Does it mean you are inlove ?"

Am I ?

"Bring out your yellow paper" , she said instead of answering Mr.Mayuringgo's question.

"Quiz na naman Ma'am?"

"Eto kasi si kuya eh! Ang dami pang alam na follow up question eh!"

"Hindi. Well , parang quiz na rin. Pero walang maling sagot. Dahil ang isasagot niyo ay base sa kung anong nararamdaman niyo sa tanong ko"

"Wala pong complicated equation?"

"Wala. Pero tingin ko mas komplikado pa ito. Kasi ang mga equation , may sarili ng formula. Pero yung itatanong ko , wala pang nakakadiskubre ng formula"

"Ano po bang tanong niyo Ma'am?"

"What is love?"

********
She's checking her students' answers when Mr.Mayuringgo entered.

"Mr.Mayuringgo , buti pumarito ka. I was about to search for you dahil blanko ang naipasa mong papel"

"No , I really meant to pass a blank paper."

"What?"

"Sabi ko , sinadya ko talagang magpasa ng blankong papel Justine"

"What did you just call me ?" , tumaas ng bahagya ang boses niya.

"Justine"

"Alam ko po na mas matanda kayo sa akin. But I am still your professor, you should atleast respect me Mr.Mayuringgo."

"You're not my professor anymore. I already dropped your class"

"What?"

"Tinanong mo kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng pag-ibig diba ? Kaya ako nagbigay ng blankong papel dahil yun ang nararamdaman ko. I feel nothing Justine. After seeing you so happy and dreamy while giving your own definition of love , i knew you were inlove and it broke me."

"What? I don't understand?"

"You will never , Justine. Dahil manhid ka. Matagal ko ng pinaparamdam sayo. Pero hindi mo pinapansin. Hindi mo nakikita dahil hindi mo tinitignan. Ni hindi mo nga naalala na isa ako sa mga nakausap mo sa isang conference ng malalaking kompanya eh."

She was in shocked. Pilit niyang hinahalukay sa isip niya kung nakita na niya ba ito pero wala talaga siyang maalala.

"Pero ok lang. I'm happy for you. I'm happy that you already found that man that helped you in finding the right definition of love. Akala ko ako na yun eh. Hindi pala. Sige I'll just go ahead. Baka mahanap ko sa daan yung taong makakapagbigay din sa akin ng totoong definition ng pag-ibig" she knew he was just trying to joke pero makikita niya sa mga mata nito na nasasaktan siya.

"Mr.Mayuringgo . Subukan mong kumain ng fishball baka .. Baka makita mo siya" trying to make him smile , and he did. Hindi nga lang totoo.

" I'm .. sorry" , she added.

"Wag kang magsorry. Hindi mo kasalanan na hindi mo ako mahal"

Hindi nga ba? Wala nga ba talaga siyang kasalanan? Bakit kasi lagi na lang siyang nakakapanakit ng damdamn ng ibang tao? Is this the curse on having a pretty face ?

**********

"Teka ? Kanino ka inlove?"

"Sayo"

"Huh? Sa akin?"

"Oo, Justine alam ko na sandali lang tayo nagkasama pero sobrang bilis ng pangyayari. Ang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko sa tuwing nakikita kita , sobrang saya ko tuwing kasama kita"

"Pero kasi  Barney .."

"Babe!" , they both turn their gazes to the man who shouted. She stood up and welcomed the man with an embrace.

"Babe" , she answered. She looked at Bernie. Confusion all over his face.

"Tom , si Bar— Bernie"

"Bernie , si Tom , taga kabilang school siya. Boyfriend ko."