Hacker || Mystic Messenger One-Shots

Leaving Me | 707

WARNING: This one-shot talks about suicide

"Let go of me!" You screamed louder than you've ever spoken before. Zen's arms wrapped around your hips tightly, while the knife dropped to the floor.

"Are you kidding me?! No way in hell am I letting you go!" Zen yelled, trying to walk backwards and kick the knife away. This was your fourth suicide attempt, leaving the entire RFA to constantly be horrified every time they didn't see you in a chat room. You were so close to succeeding this time, but Zen had called you twice before, getting no answer, which provoked him to rush to your apartment. Well, his apartment but you lived there now... without him. Your squirming came to a stop slowly, as your nerves and mind calmed down a bit. Zen grabbed your legs, bringing you onto the bed that you and him used to share.

"(Y/N), please, stop doing this..." He begged, grabbing both your hands, feeling your self-inflicted marks all over your fingers, lining your arms, only centimeters apart. Those were old. The scars on your collarbone were fresh. Red lined them, and your skin was irritated in the entire area. Zen could only imagine how many scars you have anywhere not visible. Jumin could've sworn he saw a couple around your stomach once, when you were reaching for cat food to feed Elly.

"I can't.... there's no more reason to live anymore. He didn't want me.... so I don't want me." You croaked, watching the sheets being stained with puddles of salt. You used to think tears ran out, but you discovered that they never seemed to fail you.

"I understand that he.... left..... but he left because he had to, (Y/N). Luciel still loves you."

Hearing his name stung your entire body, stiffening your muscles and stopping your blood flow for just a moment.

"He left because he hated being with me. That's it. He doesn't love me, Zen. Stop telling me lies. There's no way you can understand this." Your painful words stung Zen too. He despised seeing you so hurt, but he wasn't Saeyoung. He couldn't just magically make you feel complete again.

"I don't..... I don't even know if he's alive. He could be dead and I wouldn't even know it." You lightly sobbed, clutching your dyed red and soaked shirt. Zen was at a loss of words. He never knew how to comfort you, nothing ever seemed to work. Logic couldn't be used because the entire situation wasn't logical nor did anyone know where Saeyoung even was. He couldn't tell you that "he understood" because he didn't.

He could only watch you hurt yourself.

"Please..... go."

"There is no way that I'm-"

"Zen! I'm not going to be dead the next time you come 'check on me' alright?! I just need some time alone already! All you guys do is constantly come to my house and constantly ruin my already ruined days! Just leave."

"We wouldn't need to check on you if you weren't extremely suicidal, (Y/N)! This is your fourth time attempting! We even took all of the knifes out of the house but you went to the store and bought more! You won't go to a therapist, you won't let us stay with you, and you keep obsessing over someone who's never coming back!" As soon as the words left his mouth he wanted to take them back. His heart broke when he saw your now dead eyes staring back at him.

"Thanks for reminding me, Zen." You rose from the bed, walking to the bathroom.

"That's not what I meant I-"

"You know what, Zen? I don't care. I don't care what you have to say nor do I care about you 'meant'. I know he's not coming back but you really didn't have to say it straight to my face. At least be decent enough to complain about how pathetic I am to someone else next time, ok?" You spat, giving him the worst possible glare and locking the bathroom door behind you. Zen fought back tears as he stood up and left, telling Jumin to keep a close eye on you through the security cameras that were scattered around the house when you first attempted suicide. He closed his eyes as he shut the door, locking it with his set of keys and walking to the elevator.

You looked at your distorted reflection through the broken mirror in front you. You slammed the back of a knife on the mirror once when you were so upset with how horrible you looked. You didn't care much for a replacement, considering that this way you couldn't see yourself clearly which was a good thing for you. You grabbed the small pocket knife that you kept under the stacks of toilet paper and cut the back on your hand. You were in the middle of your palm, watching the blood spill onto the already stained carpet before you heard a knock.

Who would knock? All the RFA members had keys, much to your dismay. You just kept tracing the knife down your hand, not caring about the knock. The small knock soon became pounding. It made your head spin, making you sigh and stand up. Shuffling towards the door you muttered rather colorful words under your breath.

"Geez, can you not knock so-" your sentence stopped completely when you saw him. No. It couldn't be.....

"Saeran.... are you serious? Is this some sick joke? You even bought his glasses and jacket? Why would you dress up as him? This isn't funny in the slightest you bastard." You glared, about to close the door when his hand stopped you, shaking his head. Then it all hit you. The familiar red hair, the glasses, his jacket.... it was all there. That small smudge you made once when eating doughnuts was on the hem of his right sleeve. It was there. His honey eyes would give him away every time. Emotions that seemed so foreign came rushing into your mind.

Excitement, adrenaline..... happiness?

You shook your head slightly, thinking you were having your nightly dream of his return. Only to wake up to the empty bed.

"I'm..... I'm not Saeran, (Y/N). It's me..... Saeyoung..... defender of justice seven zero seven...."

Tears ran down your face as his beautiful voice filled your ears. You could recognize it anywhere. And that stupid sense of humor.... especially at a time like this..... Your tears came like Niagara Falls as you continued to stare at him. You reached out to touch his face. Your scared fingers brushing his perfect skin.

"This is the part where you disappear and I wake up....."

He held your hand intently, looking into your eyes.

"I'm here for real, (Y/N)." He frowned slightly, looking at your palms and seeing all the crimson slashes. His eyes traveled up your bruised and scarred arm, to your wounded collarbone and to your teared up face.

"V told me about you hurting yourself but I had no idea it was this bad...." he spoke softly, his words carrying pain, "is it..... is it true that you've attempted.... suicide?" You looked away slowly, ripping your hand from his grip.

"Why.....?" He asked, looking at you with those same hurtful eyes.

"There's...... no point in living if you're not there. The world doesn't exist because you are my world. There's no point in breathing if I'm not enough for you. If you don't want me..... what else is there?"

"(Y/N).... I never wanted to leave you. I left because it was getting too dangerous and I knew that they would hurt you to get me. I left to keep you safe. But I guess I did the opposite....."

You kept your gaze on the wooden floor, seeing the knife from earlier that Zen had to pry from your grip. Before you knew it he had both your hands in his and you were looking into his eyes.

"When I was away from you, I was so depressed. I barely ate and every time someone mentioned you or the RFA my heart shattered. You are my everything too, (Y/N). Seeing you like this... so..... sad and broken makes me want to rip my self up because I know I'm the one that made you like this. I'm so sorry.... so.... so sorry..... I can't even imagine what I would've done if I came back and you were..... weren't on this earth anymore....."

Your eyes looked alive for the first time in moths, not dead anymore.

"I love you so much, Saeyoung....."

"I love you more. And don't even try to beat me because I truly love you more."

You giggled for the first time in who knows how long. Your smile was contagious as a smile spread onto his face too, as you rushed and jumped into his arms.

At last......

He was with you.