Time and Time Again

A New Start

The pitter patter of rain against my bedroom window awoke me, the room was partly lit and the smell of burning sausages drifted upstairs from the kitchen. I sat up and pulled the hair band out of my hair, the brown locks falling down past my shoulders, concealing the left hand side of my face.
I slid out of the bed covers and looked in the mirror, my pale face and blue eyes reflecting back at me, the dark rings under my eyes seemed darker than ever. I looked away from the mirror I didn't need it to remind me how ugly I looked. I pushed my door open and went downstairs.

On entering the kitchen, Mum had set out a place for me at the table with burnt bacon and sausage on a plate and a pile of black toast in the centre of the table.
Mum has never been able to cook very well, it was always Dad's thing, I remember endless mornings of waking up to the smell of pancakes and waffles! But he's not here now, he died in a car crash when I was eleven.

Mum was sitting at the table and looked at me and then at the food "You don't have to eat it if you don't want to Lauren there's some yogurt in the fridge if you want that instead" she got up, knowing what I was going to do, and started scraping my plate of food into the bin. I walked over to the fridge and grabbed the yogurt and then went to the drawer and got a spoon. I leaned against the kitchen counter and started to tuck into my breakfast. Mum finished discarding my food in the bin and looked at me. "Right I'm going to get ready and I suggest you do the same!" She said in her 'do it or there will be trouble' tone of voice.

After eating breakfast I went back upstairs to my room, my black jeans and red t-shirt were on my chair ready for me to put on. I had an 'important' meeting with the Head of Westwood college.

I got dressed and then went into the bathroom to clean my teeth. I didn't really want to go to the interview, in fact I didn't want to go anywhere.
It was too soon to make a new start, I'm not ready, I don't want to go through the pain again, so I can't make the the same mistakes again, but I know I will. How am I going to get through this?

Oh why do I bother anyway!

When I finished my not so supportive pep talk, I unlocked the bathroom door and went downstairs, grabbed my black leather backpack and waited in the living room for Mum. I sat down on the sofa beginning to feel very nervous.  How can I be sure that I will be okay?  How do I make friends all over again? Friends that won't be fake, friends that actually care about me!
I will try don't get me wrong, I will do my best because this is the only way to keep living my life like a normal person, despite the hell I have been through. This is my new start, my new life, I can do this, I will do this.

I heard Mum coming down the stairs so I got up and went to the door and put on my black ankle length boots. The journey to Westwood college is half an hour by car and Mum has to take me today because of this so called interview. Half an hour with Mum going on at me was not going to be fun, in fact I couldn't think of anything worse.

I looked out of the car window, the clouds were turning grey again. It had been 12 minutes and 47, 48, 49, 50 seconds since we left the house and Mum still had not said anything, which I was happy with but also nervous about. I moved my head so I was looking straight out the windscreen at the road ahead, and that was when Mum broke the silence. "Lauren just so you know, I spoke to the Head of Westwood this morning to talk about... well you know...about what happend last month...I didn't mention too much, just the basics, so if she brings it up..... That's why.... okay." Mum went silent straight after that and continued driving. Trust my Mum to go and ruin it for me, I don't need people to know, I can't have people knowing about what happened and I don't need support from the college.

I am here at the college now and have been waiting for about 20 minutes waiting for someone to call my name. All I could hear in my head was Mum's voice..."about what happened last month."... How was I supposed to get through what was coming next?

"Lauren Harper!" The secretary yelled from behind her desk. I got up from the chair and entered the room with the brown door and a blue sign in big white letters spelling HEADTEACHER.

I opened the door and stepped inside. The Principal beckoned me to sit down on the empty chair, I walked forward and sat down. "Hello Lauren I am the Headteacher Mrs Dew, nice to meet you" I smiled at her and placed my backpack on the floor.
"Well then, why don't you tell me a bit about yourself Lauren?"
Right, I had planned ahead of what to say

"Well I am a lover of Art, it is one of my favourite past times. In my GCSE I achieved an A* which I was very pleased with. I also am interested in science and history. When I finish college I would like to set out to do some form of work involving Art."
" Yes well I understand you want to take Art, Biology and History is that right?" I looked at her for a couple of seconds before answering "Yes, that's right." I say. She flicks to my GCSE grades that my Mum emailed to her last week, and nodded to herself.

I glanced around the room, there was a giant clock towards the right with a whiteboard underneath it. On the other side of the room there was a large painting of the college with the year 2002 written on it and some other 'interesting college pictures' on the wall around it. I looked back at the Principal, who was still ruffling through papers. She finally looked up at me "Yes well everything seems to be in order, we will happily offer you a place here, you can start on Monday." She smiled at me so I smiled back. At least I got in.

I got up to leave and just before my hand made contact with the door handle, the Principal spoke "Before you go Lauren. I have another matter to discuss. I hear that you had a hard time at your last college with friends, is that right?"

Just brilliant Mum had to ruin this somehow!

I turned around to face Mrs. Dew. "Yes that's right, but I am fine now, really, I just want to get started again." I put on my best smile and waited, hoping it had worked. "Lauren there is support for you here, support for everything that happened, you know that don't you?"
"Of course I do, but really I'm fine."
"I just want to talk to you about it, there's no need to be afraid, it will help talking to me, so I can give you the best out of this college."

I didn't want to talk about it!

"I know your at a delicate stage Lauren."

She doesn't know anything about what I went through! All I wanted was a new start not a police interegation!

Memories of the old college were resurfacing in my mind and the walls were closing in, I couldn't take it! "Lauren, Lauren are you okay?" My mind blocked out her words.

"Just one Lauren, nobody will know, except me, promise!" His voice was so close, whispering to me. His face appeared in my mind, he had broken away from the jail I locked him in my mind for so long.

"Lauren, Lauren!?" Mrs. Dew's voice floated back into the room, my head blocked out his voice. I looked up...
"I...I...I don't want to talk about it, thank you for the place." I walked out the room before she had a chance to say anything else.

Out in the car park I began making my way towards Mum who was waiting for me in the car, I opened the door and got in. "Lauren how did it go?" Mum looked at me. I looked up at her, I could have a go at her for telling Mrs. Dew about the incident but I looked down and she had a picture of Dad on her lap. She was obviously thinking about him and happy memories of him. "Lauren...?" She saw what I was looking at. "He is even with you now Lauren, he would have loved to see you moving on with your life." Mum was happy right now and I didn't want to upset her, I decided I would pick her up on the issue another time. "It went great, they offered me a place and I am starting on Monday!" I said sounding as excited as possible. "That's great Lauren!" Mum turned the ignition on and we were off on the way home.