Crash (Josh Franceschi fanfiction)

Chapter 19

Chapter 19:

'Can I come in?' Josh repeated his question in the same tone, a tone that made me weak in the knees. I nodded slowly, tugging him through the open door by the arm.

Without a second thought, we were both upstairs and heading straight for the bedroom. Josh pulled off my tight dress, while I unzipped his jeans, and we wasted no time. I ached to feel his bare skin against mine, to feel more of that warmth that had been present in the kiss we'd shared earlier.

That night, it wasn't just sex, it was the cliché 'making love.' I know it sounds stupid, but in being so close to Josh, I could really tell that he was still in love with me. And I definitely still felt something for him.

-------------

'Mornin'. Do you have a comb I could borrow?'

I sat up in my bed, surprised by a sudden voice. Oh, it was Josh. What time was it?

I fumbled around in my bedside drawers, pulling out a comb. Josh pulled the comb through his hair which was still a little wet from the shower. 'Uh, Josh?' I spoke quietly, looking at the carpet beneath his bare feet.

'Mhmm?'

He was only wearing a loosely fastened towel as he stood before me; God, didn't he know what he did to me?

'Can you, er, get changed please?' I could feel myself blushing as Josh let out a laugh.

'You've obviously seen me more naked than this, Kirsty.'

I frowned as he grabbed his clothes from yesterday and headed for the ensuite, chuckling to himself.

'I'm not kidding. This can't happen again.'

'What do you mean?' Josh had left the door slightly open as he got dressed so he could hear me.

'Last night was just one time, okay? I'm getting married to Tyler and I can't cheat on him; I don't want to cheat. You know that and I- I just want it to be clear. It was just a drunken mistake.'

Josh re-entered the room in his grey shirt and jeans, his eyes full of hurt.

'Are you kidding me? You're saying you didn't think last night meant anything? It was simply a case of you being smashed and in need of a shag?'

'Don't say it like that,' I replied. I was kicking myself on the inside.

'No, it's okay. I'm glad I fulfilled your need, Kirsty. It's just a shame you thought of last night that way, cos I thought it was really fucking special.'

Before I could reply, Josh was out the door and down the stairs. The front door slammed and I crashed back against the mattress. Shit.

I should've told him that it did mean a lot to me. I should've, but I couldn't have. If I told Josh I loved him, he would get the wrong idea and it would be even harder for me to try to ignore my feelings for him.

I had to forget this, and Josh had to forget this.

--------------

The next day, the hospital called saying Tyler was free to go home now. They'd kept him in there longer than they'd originally said, so Tyler said he was dying to get out of "this plain white hell hole."

I drove his car to the hospital, and would most likely be driving it back too as the doctor had recommended he didn't drive unless he had to. After giving me a kiss, Tyler wasted no time in making his way out of the hospital, his duffel bag of belongings slung over one of his slumped shoulders.

His hair was a mess, he had sloppy stubble on his chin and his eyes were gloomy and puffy - for a guy who's usually polished and presentable he was looking like death.

I couldn't ignore the sharp pang of guilt in my chest. If he knew I'd cheated on him with Josh the other night he would be even more miserable.

I turned on the radio as I pulled out onto the street, in the hope it would lift both Tyler's and my mood. Music filled the car and Tyler hummed softly along with the tune we both knew all too well; Bite My Tongue by You Me At Six.

Jesus Christ. As much as I liked those five friends of mine, their songs played on the radio in the worst timings known to man. God, didn't the BBC know I wanted to take my mind off of Josh Franceschi, not listen to his perfect voice.

I flicked at a button on the dashboard, changing the radio station.

'Hey, I like that one, why'd you change it?' Tyler questioned.

'Uhm-'

'Did you and Josh get into a fight again?'

'Not re-' Oh. I guess we did, because the last time I saw Josh, he was storming out of my bedroom. 'Well, kinda.'

'What about?' Tyler asked again.

'Er, I don't even remember. It was um, probably something stupid,' I lied. Nice going Kirsty, you sound so convincing. Luckily my fiancé left it at that as he stepped out of the car and went to stand in front of our little house.

'God, I missed this place.'

When I'd helped Tyler put his clothes and things back where they belong, I told him I was popping out to the shops for a bit. I borrowed his car and drove to Josh's house. I knew I shouldn't lie any more than I already had about things regarding Josh, but I was almost frightened that even saying his name to Tyler would give away what I had done.

When I arrived, Josh was sitting on his patio drinking a Corona. He took one look at me and stormed off inside the house. Great, this was gonna be easy.

'What the hell do you want now? If it's more free sex you can go fuck yourself,' Josh yelled as I followed him inside.

'No, I came to apologise.'

'For what? Not paying me for my efforts?'

'No, for lying.'

Josh froze to the spot in the middle of the hallway.

'What do you mean, you didn't lie about anything?'

'Yes, I did.' I sighed, trying so hard not to say those three little words.

'The other night did mean something to me. It meant so much and I do care a lot about you. I let you come in that night because I was angry and pissed off at the world for Tyler having cancer and I felt like aggressive sex would help me forget things, help me let it all out. But it didn't turn out to be aggressive, it was slow and gentle, and I woke up realising how much I'd really enjoyed it and how it would destroy Tyler if he found out.'

Josh wasn't looking at me now, and I didn't blame him. I still hated myself as well. He stared at the few metres of carpeted floor between us, nodding slowly and continuously.

'I just got scared, you know? I didn't want to hurt either of you, but I'm marrying Tyler so you have to understand that I can't cheat.'

'I understand,' Josh said, slowly bringing his head up. His blue eyes pierced through mine and I thought he would storm off down the hall but then his arms were around me, pulling me into his chest. I wrapped my arms around his waist and muttered 'sorry' every now and then while we hugged.

After minutes of us standing in the centre of Josh's house in a tight embrace, he pulled away.

'So you don't still love me back?' He whispered so quietly that I could hear his sadness clearer than his words.

I paused for a moment because it felt like the perfect time to tell him I still loved him. But then again there is no perfect time to tell your ex-boyfriend you still love him when you have a soon-to-be husband who also happens to be dying.

'No. I'm sorry,' I murmured.