The Academy

Chapter 5: Kiss and Tell

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Chapter 5: Kiss and Tell

Sam is suddenly interrupted by voice on the intercom. "Attention all students. Attention all students. Please be aware that there will be an unscheduled, compulsory Assembly, today at 1 o'clock. It will be held in the main lecture hall of the West Wing. Once again. It is compulsory for all students to attend the unscheduled Assembly today at 1 o'clock."

I look at her. "I wonder what that's about."

"I guess we'll find out."

We finish our breakfast at a leisurely pace, and when we walk to our lectures, it's not silently. "Oh, Saaaaaaam! How will I ever survive without you?" I wail dramatically, "The next few hours of my life will be dark and bleak, with only our future meeting to provide any hope to me at all!"

"Ky-raaa! Don't leave me! My life is a constant shadow and only your beautiful, radiant smile can part the dark clouds of despair!" Sam sobs along with me as we reach the corridor where we must finally part ways. With great fuss and crying and moaning, we finally separate. I walk into SW Lecture Hall 33 and she walks into the one directly opposite. I move towards my seat, but just before I can place my sit-area on the bench:

"Ashwood, do ya think y'all could be a lil quieter next time? Some o' us're tryna study here," says an annoying voice behind me in a southern accent. It's not the southern bit that's irritating. It's its owner.

"Why, of course, Maybell, of course." I'm not shitting you, that's the name her parents gave her. I mean, seriously? Did they know she was going to be as horrible as she is and decide to punish her early? She smiles, but then I add, "Whilst I'm at it, would you like me iron your clothes and do your homework?" And it drops comically.

I take my seat and she's just about to respond with a noun that starts with a 'B' (and let me tell you, it ain't beauty, bar, book or biography) when in walks our lecturer. Professor Bleeksiel is the most boring man you will ever meet. I'm not even exaggerating, air particles stop moving and instead fall asleep when he's talking. "Now, now, students. Settle down, please. We have a lot to cover today and I have to release you early, on account of the talk thing later." He moves his 60-something year old body to the front, plugs in his laptop and begin setting up the projector.

"Excuse me, sir?" sounds a voice closer to the front. It's Brian, the general know-it-all in a group made up solely of know-it-alls. Even I have to admit that's impressive.

"Yes, Brian. What is it?" sighs Professor Bleeksiel. He is just as tired of Brian as the rest of us.

Brian, oblivious to the professor's obvious lack of enthusiasm for him, continues, "Professor, I was wondering... um... What is thetalkevenabout?" Brian rushes out the last few words, obviously unhappy with not know the answer to something.

Join the club, I think sarcastically. Just kidding. I've never not known the answer to something. Ha ha. Just kidding, again. There are a lot of things that I don't know the answer to. Why are we here? Where did the universe come from? Why do triangular sandwiches taste better than square sandwiches? When will I get to see Warski again? (Wait, what? Ignore that last one). These are the great mysteries of life. We will probably never know.

"Brian, as much as it pains me to say this, I do not know either. It was just sprung upon us this morning, in the staff room. I am as in the dark as you," says the professor. "Now, we really must get on with this lesson."