when the sun comes up

Katrina Cross- good day, bad day

My life is crazy. I feel everything so deeply and with such strong emotion, it feels like a curse. Even though some days are draining others are blissful. And some days life feels good and others feel bad. But that's okay. I've come to live with it, because you just have to carry on. On my good days I hang with my friends who make me feel fine and fantastic and loved. My friends are beautiful people. Truly wonderful. They make me laugh and cry and whenever I'm with them the world feels beautiful.

Me, Vivienne, PJ and Ree.

Ree, PJ, Vivienne and I.

Our bond unbreakable, our love for each other undeniable. We loved each other, so dearly. I thought it was impossible to love someone as much as I love them, but somehow I did. On my good days I sit and watch horror movies with my family. Mike and Samantha, my mum and dad, are seriously the craziest people I've ever met. They don't allow me to call them 'mum and dad'. I tired to when I was younger but never got a reply, claiming their names aren't 'mum' or 'dad' but simply 'Mike' and 'Samantha'. They love the bones of all of their children, even Gabe, my older brother, who gets himself into some absurd situations. And there is honestly no word in the dictionary that describes my admiration for them both.

Somedays my life feels extremely empty. Like I am missing something. Sometimes I feel bored of everything. Maybe this is a blessing or maybe it's a curse. Maybe I need to find a new adventure to pursue, but I haven't had any ideas yet. Somedays I just feel like plain, old, boring Kat Cross. And today is one of those days.

I look in my mirror and instantly want to smash it into a million pieces. Today, I don't look right. My fringe seems to have grown ten million inches over night and is hanging over my eyes. The sun has faded my dye job, so now my hair looks rusty. My nail polish has somehow chipped, from doing absolutely nothing, and just gives off this untidy vibe. I sit at my very cluttered desk, which is covered in approximately one thousand candles and ten thousand books and search for my scissors, it's a risky move but my fringe isn't going to cut itself and it'll take weeks to get another appointment and today, I just don't have the patience. I sigh fiddling with the scissors, debating if this really would be a good idea, more importantly if it would be a successful one. One that I wouldn't regret. No it has to be done. I brush my fringe out, god my hands are shaking, I'm practically breaking out in a sweat. I need it just on the brink of my brows, which also desperately need to be done but I do not have a high pain tolerance and could not sit through half an hour of people tugging hair from around my eyes. I make the first snip, so far so good, if I carry on this way the worry I felt would of been a waste of time. I feel like I waste my time a lot on worrying, but what else is there to do? God I've been worrying about me worrying so much I'm not even paying attention to what I was worrying about in the first place, my fringe cutting experience. Which hasn't gone horrifically, but it could of potentially been a lot better if I as in the right frame of min. It's a little short towards the middle, but I'll live. I know I'll be late for school if I proceed to do my makeup but I really couldn't care less. I want to make effort today seen as I feel low.

I skip breakfast because I don't live by the rule 'breakfast is the most important meal of the day' because who says so? Not me. I sling my backpack on my shoulder and put five rings on my fingers. I suppose I'm now ready and I smile for my parents who are cooking food for those people who do eat it in this house. My little brother Xaiver and little sister Audrey. They're screaming for scrambled egg, I honestly want the ground to swallow me whole. I want to run upstairs and put the sheets over my head and sleep my day away. But I can't because I'm going to be late, and I need to be okay so my parents will get off my case. I roll my eyes and suck my teeth and open my front door and prepare myself for my long day ahead.