The Second Light

Chapter 4

"So about that bucket list," Caden says in the desk behind me. I have my nose buried in my book. I turn around taking my glasses off in the process. "But first off. When did you get glasses?"

"I lost them last week and just found them last night. They're just reading glasses." I reply.

"Fun. Now back to the bucket list. How about a hockey game?"

"What do you mean? I've been to a hockey game before." My heart sinks to my stomach. Jordan played hockey. I went to almost all of the games he had. He's the reason my favorite winter sports are hockey and figure skating.

"I mean a professional one. Well, not a legit professional one. A college game."

"I've been to college games too. Plenty. Believe me." I tell him, rolling my eyes.

"Then let's go to one together. Just me and you." His eyes look hopeful.

I sigh and feel my heart sink even further. "I gave up hockey. Not exactly willingly. Actually, that was a lie. I just don't really like the game anymore." All of the lies come spilling out. Surprise surprise.

"Oh. Okay." He looks hurt.

"Caden, it's not your fault. And as cheesy as it sounds, it is me and not you. I haven't been to a hockey game for a long time and as much as I would love to go, I don't think I can handle it."

"He ruined that too? Great. Just great. So Em. Tell me. When will you get over the guy? When will you stop letting him control your life? Hmm?" He's hurt, but he's mad. Hurt and mad don't always go that well together. It's like Coke and Mentos. It just doesn't work.

"I-" Can't even finish my sentence. Or first word really. I feel like he's trying to blame me. But even worse, I know he's trying to blame Jordan. I turn back around and put my glasses back on. Right when I put my book up to my face, the bell rings. Class is only just now starting. It's still 1st period. I still have an entire day ahead of me. How exciting.

All four of us, Jax, Liz, Caden and I, sit in complete silence at the lunch table. I poke at my food for a while, deciding I wouldn't eat it. My appetite may never come back after what Caden said in LIT. I'm assuming that Caden told Jax about what happened, meaning Jax told Liz. She'll yell at me later for not telling her myself. I can feel everyone's eyes bearing down on me. When I look up, they don't even try to hide it. Except for Caden. He's trying to look anywhere but in my general direction.

Caden leans towards Jax's ear, whispering something. Jax says something back and then tells Liz something. I get up, trying to avoid throwing my lunch tray at them. They all look up, curiosity in their eyes. "You aren't going to tell me anything, I'm done eating, and the silence is deafening. Why waste my time on something that's pointless when I could be getting some homework done, right? See ya!" I give everyone an obviously fake smile and walk away, throwing my lunch tray away in the process.

I grab my backpack, throw it over my shoulder, and then walk to the common's area, where there are students conversing and gossiping. I pull my phone out of my pocket and go to my contacts. No, no, no, no, yes. I find who I'm looking for and contemplate on whether to call or just text. I hover my thumb over the green call button and then muster up the courage to press down. It starts ringing, and ringing, and ringing. No surprise. More ringing, and then a voice. "Hey, sorry I can't pick up right now! You know what to do." Then there's a beep. Tears threaten to pour over onto my cheeks after hearing his voice.

"Um. Hey. I know I haven't called in what? A month? Something like that. I miss you, still. There's nothing I can really do about it though, I'm aware. I got asked to go to a hockey game today. I wanted to go, I really like this guy but I'm scared of him. I'm scared of you. I'm just scared. I don't want things to turn out bad like me and you. The only reason I would have said "Yes" is because there could be a chance of you being there. I know you probably don't listen to these, but it's just nice to hear your voice sometimes." I smile to myself. "Okay, well I've got to go now. Bye, J. I miss you. I love you." The last three words come naturally. I end the call.

Liz looks at me from across the hall. She shakes her head. I shrug and start to walk over to her but stop when I see Jax and Caden walk up to her. I sigh and look down at my phone when suddenly, it vibrates. My heart jumps when I see the name.

Caden: Forgive me? You look like a sad but absolutely adorable lost puppy. Any way I can make it up to you? -C

Me: Just get over here.

I smile down at my phone and then see another pair of feet next to mine. When I look up, Caden is staring down at me. "Hey," I say, trying to seem as calm as possible.

He nods his head. "Hi."

After a few moments of silence, he begins. "Look, I'm really sorry. I had no right to go off on you like that. I do get your forgiveness, right? Because if you didn't, I wouldn't have anyone else to go to baseball games with besides these really weird losers that are dating and really gross when they're around each other. I mean, they're basically shoving each other's tongue down their throats right now." I look behind him, trying to see if he's being truthful. Of course he isn't, he was just trying to get me to smile. It worked, though.

"You are so insane, you know that?" I ask him.

He nods. "I'm well aware. So about that forgiveness?"

I shake my head and laugh. "You, my friend, have been forgiven."

"Wait, we're friends now? BRB while I go spread the news!" He smirks.

"You are such a dork."

"I knew that too."

"I would hope so. But a professional hockey game is still on the list. I've never been to one." He hits my arm lightly and then the bell rings, signaling the near start of another hour.