For Old Times' Sake

Chapter 21

You twirled the noodles around your fork. A week had passed since Hotch had come back, and it was worse than ever. The two of you hadn't spoken a word to each other after the first day.

It had never, ever been like this. The two of you had been friends for roughly two decades and your ugliest fight had been the one you had had when he had forgotten your birthday once.

But this, this one was taking the cake. It was painfully awkward at the moments you had no choice but to talk, and even more so when you didn't because the entire team knew what both of you had shared before.
What got to you the most was the glances. The sympathetic glances, as if you had a disease. 

One time you had snapped at Rossi when he had tried to console you, feeling terrible later on. Emily was perpetually angry at Hotch and refused to show him any empathy.

And then there was Kojiro. He was always with you guys, as per his job, and nothing missed his gaze. He would talk to you the same, kiss you the same, embrace you the same. But his eyes, his eyes held a question you did not want to answer.

"Is it not nice?" he whispered, seating himself beside you.
"It's good." you replied, putting some of his prepared noodles in your mouth with difficulty.

He stopped your hand, replacing the fork in the bowl. Turning your face to his, he gazed at you.
His jade eyes bore into yours, a longing mixed with sorrow shining in them.

"You love him, don't you?" he asked you, giving you a wistful smile.

There it was.

Your throat closed up as the words hit you.

Blinking, you set your jaw. "No."
"Really?"
Resolve beginning to weaken, you turned your face away, continuing to eat.
"He's such an idiot. Here I am, trying to make you mine even after continuous proof that you love him, and there he is, not even trying to talk to you."
"Kojiro I do not love him."
"Oh, Y/N. You can say that as many times as you want but it won't change the truth."
Stubbornly you continued eating.
"Y/N. It's ok if you love him. I just want you to admit that you do."

Finally, you stopped.
"YES. Yes, I love him. I love him but he doesn't care. And he never will."
You slumped in the chair.

"I love him but I wish I didn't." you said as regret bubbled over in your heart.
Kojiro sighed. "Kekkon no akai sen,"
"What?"
In Japanese culture, a red thread is thought to be tied around the little finger of lovers. The two people connected by the thread are destined lovers, regardless of place, time, or circumstances. This magical cord may stretch or tangle, but never break."
Tears stung your eyes. "That's beautiful."

"You and Hotch are joined by such a thread, Y/N."

Looking at him, you sighed. "I don't think so."
He smiled that beautiful smile of his. "I'm sure you are. You may be my pretty girl, but you're his lover alright. Only lovers can be in so much distress at not speaking to each other."
You laughed. "Still don't resent me, do you?" 
"Never." he said, putting his forehead against yours. 
"The woman you're tied to must be the luckiest one on the planet." you whispered. 
He sighed. "I had really hoped it was you."

You pulled him into your arms.
"Talk to him. He belongs to you." He mumbled into your shoulder.

You kept quiet, basking in the warmth and comfort of his arms that you had come to love.

"In another life, I shall wish for you."