For Old Times' Sake

Chapter 22

Hotch sat outside on the terrace underneath the rapidly graying skies. He knew it was going to rain, but that didn't make him want to get up and leave like it would have in the past.
In the past, he would have worried about his suit.
In the past, he would have worried about what Strauss would say if she knew he had switched off his phone and left it in his empty office to sit out here on the terrace.
In the past, he would have done a lot of things differently.
But not today. 
Not now.

Now, he sat in wait of the rain to come and soak his skin through. He wanted to feel the water wash away the agitation caused by the conversation he had had just had.

"She loves you. And all you do is hide in this office like a coward."
"Excuse me? What even-"
"Hotch, please. For once, listen to someone other than the voice in your head telling you what's right and what's wrong. Your best friend is in love with you, and by the look on your face, I wouldn't be surprised if you told me you love her too. 
That had shocked him into silence. And Kojiro had gone on.
"If you really are the man Y/N fell in love with, act like it. Tell her that you love her. Defend her, and protect her even if she can do it herself. Kiss her and hold her and tell her she's the most beautiful woman in the world. Not because you should, but because it's true."
Aaron had looked on, guilt bearing down on his shoulders.
"But before all that, for God's sake, apologise. Beg and plead and grovel, but get her forgiveness. You owe her that much."

And with that, he had walked out smoothly.
Hotch had been so taken aback that he had stood there for some time. He couldn't believe that the man he had come to resent had just come in and told him the exact things his heart had been telling him for quite some time now.

He had ended up on the terrace, hoping that the weather report was correct and it was going to rain hard enough for him to drown his sorrows.
As expected, the rain started. Slow at first, making a gentle pitter-patter sound on the concrete.
Quickly it got heavy and the flecks of water on his shirt turned bigger until his clothes were soaked through, hair dripping constantly.
Unaffected, he sat there with his eyes closed as water fell from the heavens torrentially.
His thoughts were so mixed, so tangled that it was impossible to concentrate on anything.
Except... Y/N.

So he thought of her. 
The way her lips curved into that radiant smile he missed so much.
The way her skirts hugged the curves of her hips.
The way she would tilt her head when he did something 'typical'.
The way she comforted him in his throes of depression.
The way she told him she loved him, seamlessly and recurrently.
The way she was.

Every memory he had of her rushed through his mind.
And one stood out especially, burned into his memory but not quite.
The moment when he had kissed her.

An exquisite pain seized his heart as he recalled what he had felt, despite his drunkenness in the moment- a heady euphoria that he wanted to lose himself in.
Yet he could not recall exactly what it had been, the utter perfection of it eluding his grasp.
He needed to feel it again to remember- although he was sure he would forget again.
Perhaps, it was the only weakness that he had no control over.

Slowly, he opened his eyes. 

"What am I doing?" he said. 

And then, getting up in an instant, ran down the stairs ignoring the headache he suddenly got. 

As he raced down the steps blurting out an 'Excuse me' now and then, everyone stopped dead in their tracks to stare at a drenched SSA Aaron Hotchner, Unit Chief of the B.A.U. running wildly, leaving a trail of drops behind him.
But for once, it wasn't SSA Aaron Hotchner, Unit Cheif of the B.A.U.

For once, after a long while, it was just Aaron.