For Old Times' Sake

Chapter 20

Hotch smoothed down his tie. Looking at himself in the mirror, he sighed.

Finally, he had gotten to go back to work after two weeks. But it didn't feel like it was supposed to- it felt burdensome.

Like everything else.

How was he going to look anyone in the eyes?

He sighed again.

"You ready, Honey?" Beth said, popping her head in.
He turned, looking at her.
Noticing his discomfort, she walked over and placed a hand on his cheek. "Hey. What's wrong?"
He blinked back tears. "How will I face Y/N?"

Oh, no, I see
A spider web, it's tangled up with me,

Immediately, her expression hardened. "Just be professional. Treat her like another colleague."
"But how can I jus-"
"Do I need to remind you that you chose me over her?"
Pressing his lips together, he shook his head.

And I lost my head,
The thought of all the stupid things I'd said,

She had given him an ultimatum back when he was in the hospital.
Driven by a desperate need for peace, he had chosen her.
But now, realising that the battle between his heart and head had gotten even more intense, he was beginning to believe that peace was a pipe dream.

Oh, no, what's this?
A spider web and I'm caught in the middle,

"Go to work, Aaron. You'll be fine." And with that, she kissed him.
But it didn't feel like it was supposed to.
He took a cab, wondering what Y/N would be feeling for him right now.
Contempt? Disgust? Hatred?

So I turned to run,
The thought of all the stupid things I've done,

He felt like he would throw up, taking the stairs so that it took him a little longer.
As he pushed the glass door open, he considered running away, taking another two weeks off.
But deep down he knew he couldn't take it anymore- the strict glances, the short answers, the 24x7 pouting, the silent meals.
Walking in, he saw Y/N standing right there. With the new guy.

And I never meant to cause you trouble,
And I never meant to do you wrong,

His throat seemed to close up as he walked to her. As Fate would have it, he had to take the keys to all the cabinets from her before he could do anything else.
She turned around when he cleared his throat, her smile fading as it sunk in.
"You're back," she said, backing into the other man as he clamped his arm around her waist protectively.

And I, well, if I ever caused you trouble,
Oh no, I never meant to do you harm.

He wasn't affected by the disdain on her apparent boyfriend's face- it was the nonchalance on hers that made him feel like she was tearing out his heart and crushing it beneath her stiletto heel. With no emotion, she continued.
"Come on, the keys are in your office."

Oh, no, I see
A spider web, and it's me in the middle,

As he looked at her shuffle some papers, he felt like he would die.
Why, why had he hung up on her? She would never forgive him for how he had treated her.
And with the new guy treating her like he was, she wouldn't even look at him twice.
She turned around, handing him the keys and some files with utmost apathy.

So I twist and turn,
Here am I in my little bubble,
Singing out...

"Y/N," he said, not taking the things. She just blinked.
"I'm sorry." he choked out, the effort of swallowing his urge to burst into tears burning his throat. No matter what had come to pass between them, she had never, ever given him a cold look or the silent treatment. She had always cared just a little, if not as much.
He didn't think he could handle her indifference.

I never meant to cause you trouble,
And I never meant to do you wrong,

She looked at him for a second before keeping what she had in her hand on his desk.
"I don't think you should be talking to me." He stared at her as she turned around and opened the door. Before leaving, she looked over her shoulder at him.
"I threw that photo of us away. You won't be needing it anymore anyway."

And I, well, if I ever caused you trouble,
Oh, no, I never meant to do you harm.

The door shut with a click and he rushed to his desk, frantically searching for the copy of the photo of him and Y/N in the marigold fields.
It wasn't there: all he found was the frame.

They spun a web for me,

And instead of that photo, it contained a photo of Beth and him from when she hadn't left.
His fingers gripped the frame so hard his knuckles turned white.
Sinking down in his chair, he held it, hand shaking from the sheer force he was holding it with.

They spun a web for me,

And after more years than he could count, he cried.
He silently sobbed, his other hand over his mouth to suppress the sound of his grief.
If only he had known that you were doing the same.

They spun a web for me.