Compulsions (Kellic & Cashby)

Chapter Two

Kellin's POV

"So, Alan, tell me about your week," I said, doodling little circles on my notebook. My latest session with Alan had just started and it had been the first time we'd seen one another for a week.

"We got a new neighbor in the complex." He said tapping his finger on his knee.

"Really, have you talked to them?"

"I met him briefly and he asked me out right away."

"Oh wow, what did you say?"

"I basically said, said, said no."

"Good,you should get to know someone before you just go out with him."

"I wouldn't have said yes if I'd known him either." He said fidgeting with his clothes.

"And why not?" I questioned, cocking my head to the side.

"I don't want to be in a relationship right now or really ever. No one really can get past me having OCD."

"What if he's different."

"Doubt it. They've all ended over the same thing."

"But, you never know."

"No, I do know what will, will, will happen. I'm not dumb." He mumbled tapping his finger faster.

"What do you mean?" I asked inquisitively.

"Relationships just never work for me."

"You'll never know."

"I do know. This is the one thing in my life that I'm actually sure, sure, sure of. They just don't work out because I always manage to do something wrong."

"But, it could be different with him," I said again.

"Nope."

"You could always give it a shot, you know."

"No." He said shutting down the thought immediately.

"Alan."

"What?"

"You should get to know him," I said with a small smile.

"Don't want to."

"Why, give me three reasons why, none of them having to do with your OCD."

"I can't."

"Then I don't see why you can't get to know him. You are not your OCD Alan."

"Well that's what everyone thinks when I'm with them, romantically."

"You can change that."

"No I can't because nobody looks past that."

"Yes, you can change that."

He just shrugged and didn't respond.

"Alan, look at me," I said softly, trying to get his attention.

He shook his head looking down at his hands as they tapped rapidly against his knee.

"Alan, will you listen to me."

"I'm, I'm, I'm listening you're just not, not, not talking."

"I'm about to, but I want you to pay close attention."

"I am."

"Okay, I know you think it's because of your OCD that you can't stay in a relationship, and that could be a factor but just remember Alan, it does not define you. You are not your OCD and your OCD is not you. It's a part of you, but that doesn't control you. Remember what we've talked about?" I asked gently.