Curiosity is the lust of the mind
- Thomas Hobbes
Xavier's POV
It was a problem now. It was beyond smoking marijuana, to me that was fine. It was 2014 for crying out loud…but the other stuff I was doing…it was dangerous now. I couldn’t control my need for it and in the back of mine I think Vanessa knew and that’s why she was being so distant. Because she was angry with me but I didn’t want to resurface the subject for a chance for her finding out that would make it worse.
My friend Cayden joined me in my car that night, he was itching for his fix and we were coming across some people that we had to get out of the mix with. I wanted to pay the last that I owed and get out, not even pay for more unlike Cayden.
“Man, you need to stop messing with them, change your source at least.” I offer and Cayden shakes his head. Cayden was a bit taller than me and had bright green eyes, he didn’t grow a lot of facial hair and was really skinny, but that was before he started drugs. “Look man, as long as you keep up with the pay you have nothing to worry about.” He says, easily with a shrug as he looks back down at his phone. “But that’s too much of a risk, go to someone more trustworthy and who isn’t as unpredictable as Nate and them,” I say but it’s clear Cayden isn’t convinced.
We meet at the usual park that we’ve been meeting at for the past 10 months. I always had the same nerves as I always did when I first approached them, I felt anxious. My blood coursing and my head racing. “Calm down man, it’s not that big of a deal.” Cayden tries to comfort me but I shake my head and wait in the cold breeze.
Spring was not quite here yet, so it still had the cold winter feel in the air. “There they are.” Cayden says, hitting my shoulder for me to look over at the three men approaching us.
Nate was a fat man, which I think made him more intimidating. He looked like the leader of a mafia and he had an off look in his eyes, which is suspected to be due to drugs but he runs the business, he doesn’t do them. Just smokes large cigars.
The two men next to him, Manny and Harley were on heavier drugs than they were selling. Harley was on heroin, you could see the holes in his arms from the needles. Manny was on cocaine, well it’s what I suspected; he was always wiping his nose. “Last deal?” Nate asked me and I nod. “This is my last fix.” I lie, I couldn’t just tell him I was done buying from him, he would get suspicious and then want me dead. “Well I wish the best to you man.” Nate says extending his arm and I know what that means. The money is in my right hand and the drugs are in his. With one handshake we would exchange items, but before I do, I ponder for a moment.
What would Adrienne think of me doing this? But then I secretly curse at myself…I should only be thinking about Vanessa.
I shake off the feeling completely and put my hand in his, taking the drugs and giving him the money. I shove it in my pocket and still nervous. “You got the weed to lace it with?” Nate asks me and I nod. “What about you?” Nate asks to Cayden.
“Yeah, same thing.” Cayden says extending his hand. Nate has a look in his eyes that I don’t particularly find comforting me and Cayden looks over at me. “Hey, you go ahead home. I’ll get a ride with these guys.” Cayden says to me and something tells me to get straight away. “Alright. Thanks again man.” I say turning to Nate and the guys and go towards the car. I keep walking and I hear harsh whisper, I get closer to the car and hear rustling, I hear groaning and slide into the drivers’ seat and look back to see Cayden getting punched in the stomach, I don’t make eye contact, I just start the car and drive away, which is probably a mistake.
