Sixteen with a Drug Addiction

Chapter Three

I sat at my desk, watching the clock tick over second by second. WIthin the last few months I had slipped from my studies and I was doing everything in my will to try and get back on top of them. Whatever I did, more like whatever I wanted to do, I found someting else that took my attention away from them. Tonight it was the clock ticking over. The clock ticking over meant it was a second closer until the rocks would be thrown at my window to signal my new found lifesaver and reason to live would be delievered and I would feel on top of the world again for a short while.

Coming from a group of girls, well my friends that still had the hole happy family situatuon with mum, dad and their siblings, I found it a little harder to connect with them and hang around after Dad left. I couldn't ask for advice as they had never experienced the sort and I found out that it was people like us in the big happy faily that were protected from the outside world that they seemed to have shieled my eyes from. I never reaised the dramas and the horrid events that occured on the otherside of the world, the events within our own country and even the events that occured in towns near mine. I never took much notice as Mum and Dad always said they would protect me and that's what they had done. I have discoveed a lot having to fend for myself and my brothers and my new role has been to witness these horrid events and shield my brothers from them. I don't want to shield them completly, just enough to know they are safe but not to take their lives for granted like my old friendship gorup have and still are. It will be a big shock when they may have to fend for themselves one day without their family.

Anyway, the clock had hit 9:28pm and I decided to pack up my books, putting them back in my bag ready for school tomorrow. I zipped my bag up and turned my desk light off before opening the window to let some of the fresh autumn air breeze in. I put my bag back behind my door before walking out of my room and into the hallway. I went to turn the bathroom light of before I quickly remembered that my brothers like to have the light on so their 'boogy monsters' don't come out to play. I quickly slid into each of their rooms to make sure they were okay. It seems I have a mothering instict with them, trying to keep them safe and have their backs with whatever they need. I guess its trying to make up for what I feel I lack at the moment.

I walked past mum's room before I headed down the stairs, her door had been left a jar open so I quietly tip-toed in to make sure she too was okay. Mum was still all snug up in her bed, the room was covered in dirty dishes that I slowly and quitely stacked to take them to the kitchen. She always slept with the television on so I just left it to run on the home shopping channel that was advertising a new steam mop. Mum has always wanted one of those. I stood at the door and looked at my mother sleeping soundly, I couldn't help but half smile at the thought of wondering if she would ever overcome this seeeming depression and be the beautiful cheerful mother that once used to enjoy spending time with the family. I carefully juggled the dishes that run all the way up my arms and managed to shut the door with a rather loud bang. Hopping I didn't wake mum, I carefully walked down the staircase and into the kitchen. 

Looking at the clean kitchen, it was hard to believe that this afternoon I had spent 2 hours sorting, scrubbing and organizing it so that I could find what I needed and to keep the house in some kind of order. I placed the dishes on the bench, giving them a quick rinse before stacking them in the dishwasher. Thank god we have one, I hate doing the cooking dishes as it is. There was enouh from the dinner dishes and mum's dishes to put it on. I made my way to the laundry and decided to do a small load of the boys clothes seeing as they go through at least two changes a day, getting dirty enough to change from some activity they were doing. By the time I made my way into the lounge room it was 10:55pm. 5 minutes and my lifesaver would be here.

I walked over to the fireplace and looked at the family pictures. I carefully picked it up and held it in my hands looking at the smiles and the love our family once shared. It didn't hurt me anymore, it didn't bother me. I placed the photo back on the fireplace ledge but instead I placed it face down so you could barely see that it was there. I took the matches off the side and lit the four candles that were spaced across. I love candles and I especially love this mango and passionfruit ones that fill the room with their delicious fragrance. Just as I lit the last one, I could here the rock rebounding of my bedroom window.

I unlocked the front door and walked around the side of the house to where my delivery man was standing. I told him to come around the front and he followed me into the house, shutting the heavy oak door behind him. We sat on the lounge as he placed the packtets on the coffee table. His name was Nathan and he had become my new best friend. Nathan was a grade higher than I was and he was 18 years old but he had been there for my through the hard times, with experience as to what I was going through and been there at whatever time I needed.

Nathan smiled at me before handing me my packet. I flicked the packet a few times to get the big lumps out before I sat croseed-legged on the floor to be closer to the table. I opened the draw on the side of the table and pulled out my favourite untensil as I call it. I slowly opened the packet and tipped a bit of the contents on the table before pushing it all together so that it was in a neat little pile. I took a deep breath and inhaled my cocaine.