Love At Last Sight//Phan AU

Ch. 2

(Phil)
Class is over and I start to walk out of the room, trying to keep getting to lunch the only thing on my mind.
His hair frames his face perfectly.
His pale skin makes his eyes looks wide and round and soft, like a puppy's.
His voice and his accent, I could listen to them forever.
But I won't.
He's a faggot.
A queer.
He's going to hell, and I'm not. I do not love him and I never will. This is when i trip and fall.
"Hey there, you okay?"
I look up to find the beautiful boy and I internally puke.
"Not now that I'm looking at you."
I reject his outstretched hand and get up on my own, pushing past him. When my shoulder brushes against his I can feel the passionate electricity flow through our veins as if they're connected, but I know they're not. I then realize he's following me.
"Hey, what's your deal, Phil? We're kinda..supposed to be in love here?" He adds on a nervous chuckle.
My heart melts when he says love but I shove those feelings downward. I clutch my books to my chest, my heart is racing and my palms are so sweaty I feel like I may drop my books. I manage to be as truthful as I can.
"I don't love you." I scoff, a bit more harsh then I had initially intended it to sound, but it was no big deal, since I don't love him. "You're a boy, and a disgusting faggot at that. I love the way God intended for humans to love, traditionally. Men and women. I am a man, you are not a woman."
Daniel looked at me and the way he did tore my heart into pieces, I was left to glue it back together and do what I had to.
"Goodbye, Daniel."
I walk briskly to the lunchroom and sit with my usual friends that I've been sitting with since 8th grade. Walking away from Dan is the hardest thing ever, emotionally and physically, it's like waking away from a magnet. I'll carve the damn thing out of my wrist if I must, I refuse to be a lowlife queer.

(Dan)
Dear Diary,
I'm so torn.
When I thought of meeting my one true love I imagined someone just like Phil. Someone quirky who enjoys video games and who will stay up until 3am with my to binge watch attack on titan and eat popcorn.
But I never imagined a homophobe.
He's so perfect in every single way, the way he rubs his hands together when he's nervous, the way he smiles and his eyes close when he does, everything about him is the greatest thing imaginable.
But he hates me, he hates everything about me, he will never love me, and i'm surprised my Switch hasn't reset itself yet.

I look up out of my notebook and realize I'm the only one left in the lunchroom. Everyone else has left, even the alien gangs that usually hang around late. I just can't get my mind off of Phil. He's ruining my life and making it a million times better all the while.

(Phil)
Ring. Ring. Ring
I snort as I jerkily wake up from my nap, drool seeping into the pages of my textbook. I look at the clock on the wall, the one that actually makes sense. Who the hell would be calling me this late?

I answer the phone without looking at the number, and the voice is definitely something I've heard before. Just a bit more shaky at the moment.
"Phil. Phil please listen."
"Why should I? I don't know you." The words burn me as I speak them, like lava seeping through the cracks of a raging volcano.
"Hear me out as a friend. An acquaintance."
I like that he corrected himself after he called himself my friend. I could never be 'friends' with such a disgusting and sinful human being. "Fine." I mutter.
"I can't control how I feel, and neither can you. Do you think I would've chosen this for me? For us? Nobody gets to choose their soulmate, Philly. You know this, it's what our grandparents always tell us when we're little. It's what's preached to us on a daily basis. You can't control love. Love is love, and it's not a choice."
I notice he's crying, and every sob that breaks free from his heart is like a stake being shoved straight through mine. "No. This is a mistake Dan. When they say those things, they're referring to if you get an ugly soulmate. Not whatever you think this is. We don't even have factual evidence to prove this whole soulmate watch thing, it could just be a coincidence--
"Oh, God Phil, now you're talking like the moon children. They don't believe in these things."
"Well, maybe the moon-children are right." I'm about to hang up but I don't. He sounds like he could hurt himself and I need to make sure he's okay, just because I'm a decent human being. Not because I love him.
The phone is quiet for a while until he speaks.

(Dan POV)
I start speaking straight from my heart, which I once thought was cold and dead. "You, Phil, are the best thing that will never happen to me. You remind me of the Sun, the moon, and all of the stars. So beautiful but just out of reach. You are the sun because you burn me yet you are the light of my life. The moon because you will never be around me long enough to let me see the full you and the stars, because you seem lost. Because you seem confused, just floating around space until you quietly die out. I understand that, Phil. I could help you, and hold you, and guide you through anything. You, Philip, have turned my rock of a heart into a blossoming flower, a bright fuchsia one. Full of passion and love. I am a flower Phil, please don't pick me." I had already heard the deafening *click* of rejection as soon as I said his name for the first time, but I had continued talking into the receiver hoping that someone, somewhere, was listening.
I slowly lower the phone from my face and as soon as I push the red "end call" button, the silence that fills my lonely apartment fills my lungs, and I carry myself away into a forgetful place the only way I remember how. I pull out my blades and start scratching the skin, just enough to get through the surface until I start going deeper and deeper, blood oozing out of my already scarred skin until I feel like I might throw up. Is this what love is? Cat scratches and an empty hole in my chest?