A lazy love letter: Shika X Ino

Ash ketcha squirrel

Maito Gai was on the prowl.
No, no, not for ladies, never fear (what a frightening prospect, ne?). No, our lovable, spandex-wearing image of esteemed ninjahood had received a tip from a very reliable source—one Sarutobi Asuma, who was feeling a bit on the snarky side and decided that a certain silvery-haired friend was in need of a some extra excitement—that Hatake Kakashi and Mitarashi Anko had gone off on a skiing excursion a day or so ago, and had not since returned.

"Yeah, I have no idea what they're up to," the chain-smoking Jounin had said between drags on his ever-present cigarette. His deep voice contained subtle hints that he did in fact know what they were up to—or, more specifically, what Kakashi was up to—however Gai was too overjoyed to notice.

"Skiing, eh?" He mused, rubbing his hands together gleefully. "I'll bet that idiot went and got himself killed on the way down one of the hills."

Asuma snorted, and nearly inhaled his cigarette. "I doubt that," he wheezed. "You know Kakashi. He's always been athletic."

Gai's face fell, overly large brows snapping together. "You're right. It wouldn't be that easy to get rid of him." Damn...

"Do you really want to get rid of him?" The other man inquired, amused. "Who'd be your eternal rival, then? Sure as hell wouldn't be me."

"Oh...I hadn't really thought of it that way."

"See? I'm useful once in awhile," Asuma replied cheerfully, and then slapped Gai on the back. "You should try and track those rascals down. All of your missions are finished, right?"

"Yeah," Gai admitted reluctantly. "But why should I waste valuable leisure time on them? I don't care what they're doing," he scoffed, though it was a boldfaced lie, and his companion knew it.

"If you find them, you'll be able to spy on 'em for us and bring back the dish," Asuma pointed out, a large grin plastered on his face. "Didn't you hear about the bet? I wagered an arm and a leg that they'll be on each other by the end of the week, and Genma's a stickler when it comes to gambling. He's in charge of the money, and he'll own me without blinking an eye if they don't show soon."

Gai did try to appear nonchalant about the whole thing, tapping one finger against his chin as if mulling over his options, but there was no way he could allow the opportunity to snoop on his life-long nemesis pass him by. "I suppose I don't have anything better to do," he conceded with a shrug. YOSH! This is my chance! I'll finally be the one who looks cool instead of him! "And I'm always willing to help a friend," he added modestly, his signature smile, complete with a 'ting' from his pearly white teeth, springing into action.

And so it was that Konoha's original Green Beast departed from his home and began the quest of locating the elusive Sharingan Kakashi and the hyperactive Mitarashi Anko, a pair that gave trouble its middle name—er...Double...trouble. Well, whatever. The two were devious enough on an individual level; together, their antics spread chaos wherever they went, and it was essential that their nefarious ways be exposed at all costs.

This mission was an A-rank, no doubt about it, and Gai would die before he failed to carry it out.

Or something like that.

Besides, the horrified looks he would receive from Kakashi when he embarrassed him in front of everyone would be a payoff he'd cherish for years afterward, so he didn't mind slogging through snow with silly contraptions shaped like tennis rackets strapped to his feet, nor wearing goggles that engulfed most of his face, giving him the appearance of a deranged bug. The huge green parka he wore over his clothes only added to the image—there had been plenty of other parkas for him to choose from when he went to the store, but green was his favorite color, and, naturally, he bought that one, not considering how much like a grasshopper he'd look once all of his gear was on.