Broken Life

chapter 2 hurt

Sometimes someone hurts you so bad that it stops hurting at all. I know that because I was so dumb to believe that the friendship we had would last forever. For the past couple of days I've been thinking things over and over again. Then Finally I decided. If I'm going to make things better I was going to have to change something something that I would never do before. Something for the pain to go away. So I started grabbing sharpened pencils and holding my arm straight out. I would have to scratch myself. I remember I would scratch myself so bad I would almost bleed and it would sting like  crazy. Although it hurt it took all the pain and stress away it made me feel better. Months pasted and tears came and go the depression settled in then it moved out. By the time I knew it it was time had to leave to. my mother was stressed along with her boyfriend. I had to help my sister and brother pack. We lived in a hotel the n we found a place. I didn't like it though it was old crusty have mice and roaches and the worst part of all the first couple nights we had to sleep on the floor. We we left all our stuff at our old house so there was no furniture to sit on no TV to occupy us just me mom sister and brother and boyfriend. We only had our minds to occupy us. Finally we adapted to the environment. My brother and sister found some toys that they had packed and got them out and played with them. I'm not into toys like they are I'm not into social media like they are I like the real world with books and nature and people. But it seems to me like more people don't like me as much as I like them I've never had a friend but imani. So to pass the hours I wrote in school after school at dad the grocery store anywhere you wouldn't see me without a paper and pencil. I had two sided to ask most of my peers what kind of books they did and did not like. I asked them what they hated about them and what they liked. I'm surprised they talk to me because most of them talked about me behind my back. Most of them said that they hate how they're all long and full of gibberish and how they just some Adventure and others said they were too short. So I've decided to make a book. Make a book about multiple stories and put them into one I finished three stories already but the tough part is I know I'm going to have to edit them. My boys my mom's boyfriend said that I'm his favorite. That my mother loves me and that she will be there for me and she's always stressed and that's why she's always upset at me. But I don't believe her I'm the one who cooks for her children. I'm the one who helps her children with their school work. I'm the one who cleans up after her children and herself. I take care of me and everything else. The only thing she take care of is herself. When I was with the Imani had lots of thoughts. I realize is it that I was the one that she hated. I realized that with love I could be brave and stand up to her. But I didn't I'm scared of her. I know it's not right to be scared of your mother but it's kind of hard not to be when she threatens to beat you. It's kind of hard do not be scared of her when she's beaten you before. When she's not repeat and you on the butt when she's being you everywhere else but the butt. She speaking us with hangers and belts with her hand or anything she can grab. I wonder what it's like sometimes for the people who had moms who love them. For people who had mom that don't beat them that take care of them. Who makes them dinner. Who takes them out to do fun things. Who help some with their school work. I just wish my mom could be one of those. Everyone at school and around me say I should just pair and their prayer for me to God. But I come regret me praying for myself and for others because God never answers my prayers nothing ever gets better. I know nothing will ever get better. I think to myself why I'm different but I just can't seem to figure it out. One day I decide I need to take a break that I deserve that break so I call my little sister and she's only younger."hey Nikki come here I want to talk I said ya what is it?I'm going to be leaving soon and I want you to take care of things while I'm gone. I said cam i come to she asked. No Nikki ill be back OK. OK. Surprisingly my sister ticket very well in fact she didn't even think about me leaving that night when everyone was sleeping I open my window Egypt on a jacket and jumped out. It felt so good when they feet touch the ground because I felt like all the stress and pain and torture I went through I need lifted up above my shoulders. It was like I was free I didn't know where I was going but I knew anyway was better than here off to the unknown by myself here goes nothing.