Unnamed Crack Fic

Chapter Bun

HEY so I decided to write a Sherlock crack fic because I felt like it. Just a warning: it will be weird. To say the very least.

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CHAPTER BUN (because it rhymes with one yeah haha get it) :)

"Alright, Sherlock. I've had half of Scotland Yard on this case for a month and none of us have the slightest idea who committed the murder. I'll give you 10 seconds," screamed Lestraude. Sherlock was on his latest case, and now he was at the cime scene about to examine.

"Okie dokie Loki," Sherloclk said in reply, determined to solve the case. Sherlock entered the flat where the murder was committed. Sherlock examined the crime scene for 10 seconds.

Sherlock deduced stuff. There was a dead guy laying on the floor with his head chopped off.

"Well this dude is hella dead," observed Sherlock. John stared at him in utter amazement.

"Wow I have the hots for you Sherlock" whispered John as he utter amazemently stared at Sherlock.

Sherlock looked around for 1 more second. He saw there was also another guy huddled in the corner. Sherlock used his magical deduction powers to know that he was a hobo. He was perfectly alive. And he was holding a bloody axe. Sherlock approached him.

"DID YOU KILL THIS DUDE" Sherlock asked the hobo.

"YEs" said the hobo.

"Cool," replied Sherlock cooly as he lit a cigarette. John started to drool.

"Close your mouth, John. It's annoying," Sherlock said.

"Cool" John said as a bit of drool dripped on the floor. He closed his mouth. John had learned to say cool like Sherlock because he wanted to be cool as well.

"Sherlock, no smoking at crime scenes," pestered the idiot Anderson.

"I DO WHAT i WANT" Sherlock screamed and grabbed John's hand and ran out of the scene.

"Wait," Sherlock told John. They were standing outside of the flat trying to hail a cab to head bach to 221B Baker Street.

"C-c-cool" John stammered. He was a tomato reddish in the face and he didn't want to let Sherlock go. Finally he had to and he sat down on the street and cried like a baby. Sherlock ran back into the crime scene.

"I hella need to tell you who the killer is" Sherlock told Lestraude. "It was that guy!" he said pointing to the hobo.

"Awesome" said Lestraude and Anderson started to drool too.

one more thing" sHERLOCK said and he knelt down beside the dead guy and pulled out his phone. he opened his Snapchat' "SELFIE" he announced like a stuck up girl and took a snapchat with the dead guy and sent it to John because John was his only friend. This made Sherlock sad. He felt a tear stream down his face and he realized he wasn't allowed to show emotion for some reason so he ran out of the creim scene and ran to JOhn and hugged him.

'Don't be a baby John" said Sherlock as he dried away his tears and got him out of the middle of the street so the cab that Jphn was blocking could move.

"Cool" said John. he hoped Sherlock realized he was trying to be as cool as him.

"Don't sass me John" Sherlock sassed John and he jacked opened got the door to the cab and got in and laced his majestic fingers with John's sHERLOCK realized John's were plumpy and let go and John started to cry but Sherlock ignored him because he cried all the time.

"221B Baker Street Westminster London England Europe Earth Unnamed Solar System" Sherlocj told the cabbie. "You better not shoot me imma total hipster" said Sherlock to the cab driver because he didn;t want to get shot or take pills or whatever because he was a total hipster (but I don't get why he wouldn't take pills because he already did heroin so I don't see why)

The cab sped off into the sunset

THE NEXT DAY

"Hi John" said Sherlock because he looked right at John and deduced he was in the room.

"Hi sherlok" said John looking at Sherlock's butt

"You hella talked to my arse John that weird" said Sherlock. John looked at Sherlck's face instead

"Sherlock i Need to aske y0u something" said john seriously.

"Ok" said Sherlock

"Am I cool" asked John and Sherlock opened his eyes and looked right at him

"No" said Sherlock because I he always told the truth because that was what Mummy always said. I think Mummy is Sherlock's mum

John started to cry again and Sherlocl rolled his eyes and went back to thinking. Then he got bored and deduced John instead. John had just taken a shower because his hair was wet

"Let's watch telly" excalimed John and watched telly

Ring ring ring said Sherlock's phone. Sher;pckl andswered it

"Hella?" said Sherlock and he listened and closed his phone

"That was Lestraude he is offering to pay for stuff" summed up Sherlocl because he had to dumb down what he said to John all the time

"What kind of stuff?" asked John and he stoped crying

"Follow me" said Sherlpcl and led him out of the flat