The Masks We Wear

Chapter 8| Again?

"Keep your face to the sunshine, and you cannot see a shadow."

~Helen Keller

{ E L E N A ' S     P O V }

I was dreaming about it again. It hadn't happened in months, maybe even a year. I definitely lost track of when. 

I woke up screaming and covered in sweat. The same scene kept on repeating and repeating in my head as I saw my sister rush over to my side of the bed hurriedly. 

We were sharing rooms temporarily, at least until she went back to Princeton. In my subconsciousness, I felt bad for waking her up, but the majority of my brain was focused on not throwing up at the moment. 

"Are you okay?" My sister asked, concern wrinkling her face. I looked at her and gave her a 'do you think I'm okay' look. 

"Right. You're definitely not okay." She mumbled under her breath. Suddenly, the overwhelming urge to throw up overcame me, as I rushed to the bathroom, barely in time. 

Thank goodness my hair was in a pony tail at the moment. 

Autumn rushed in, and unwillingly wrinkled her nose at the sight. 

"W-water." I croaked, feeling as though my voice literally got taken over by a frog. 

"Oh yeah, right!" She whispered as she hurried to my nightstand and returned with my mug that was halfway full with water. 

I held back a sob that was rising in my throat. I pushed the worst memories back into the deepest part of my mind, hoping to forget. Of course, that didn't work. I couldn't close my eyes. I couldn't. 

Whenever I close my eyes now, I wouldn't be able to see the reality in front of me. Instead, I'll see my worst memories replaying on repeat, over and over again. 

"I thought this stopped?!" My sister exclaimed, looking at me dead in the eye. 

Trying to regain my sanity, I huffed; 

"It did. Today was the first time in a year, maybe." 

I slumped down from the toilet bowl. My energy was gone, shrunk into a little ball. I didn't want to get up, or move, or even think. 

"Here. Lemme help you up." She mumbled, catching me as I slightly stumbled forward. 

Once I was safe and sound in my bed, I tried to sleep. I really did. But whenever I closed my eyes, hoping to find relaxation and peace, I would find horrendous memories instead. After hours of twisting and turning, I guess my sister got sick of hearing my sighs and shifting. 

I felt bad for her. I mean, I technically kept her up all night long. 

"Do you still have the pills?" She asked, referring to my sleeping pills. 

I knew this was her best intention. My last resort; pills. 

"Yeah." I groaned, getting up slowly, and to my nightstand bottom drawer. It was still there, surprisingly. I never had the courage to clear that part of my drawer out, to look at my old resorts to peacefulness. 

It would expire next year, which meant that it would be safe to take one to help me sleep. 

"Can you hand me my water?" I asked, even though it was literally just three meters away from me. 

Normally, she would have laughed at me, called me lazy jokingly, and not do it. But Autumn understood the situation I'm currently in. 

Wordlessly, she handed me my mug. I popped the pill into my mouth, and downed it with water. 

Of course, it wouldn't kick in immediately. Finally at peace, I put my head against the pillow, waiting for slumber.

It arrived around half an hour later. My eyelids that refused to close started to flutter, and the world started to fade, fade away into black. 

***

I woke up due to my alarm clock. I groaned as I flopped my hand around, hoping to press the 'snooze' button. 

Of course, with no luck. 

I groaned and flopped around, covering my ear with the pillow. Finally I woke up, with the (not) beautiful face of my sister glaring at me early in the morning. 

"This is all you fault." She growled at me. Looking at her face more intensely, I withheld a cringe. She had eye bags. Humongous ones. 

"And you also woke me up." She muttered, giving my poor alarm clock a hateful look. 

"I'm sorry! I have to rely on the alarm clock to wake me up though!" I protested. 

Autumn looked at me, and not-so-discreetly cringed. 

"What?" I asked. 

"Nope, nope, nope. You're not going to school today, missy." She said. 

"What? No! Why?" I exclaimed. 

"Look for yourself." She shrugged. 

I rushed to the mirror, and flinched at the sight of myself. I thought Autumn looked bad... I was ten times worse. 

My hair looked like a den for a group of raccoons. My eyes were bloodshot from crying. Of course, I had eye bags as well. And, well, my posture was just out of line today. 

"Fine." I mumbled, purposely hitting her with my shoulder as I walked by. 

"Chill. Plus we can have a sister to sister talk, just like the old times!" She exclaimed. I rolled my eyes. Sometimes, she really did seem too young for her age. 

We spent the afternoon just talking, hanging out. I had to admit, I missed this. I missed the feeling of peace and laughter, with no worries to consider. Just being laid back, having a casual day with Autumn was amazing. 

Suddenly, the overwhelming urge to hug her overcame me. I flung my arms around her neck,  and just rested my head on her shoulder. 

I could tell she was surprised by the way her body responded. She stiffened, but then relaxed once she got used to it. 

"I'll miss you..." I murmured. 

She laughed. 

"I'll miss you too." 

***

Hey guys! SUCH A LONG UPDATE I KNOW AND SUCH A SHORT CHAPTER!!!! 

Oh god I suck at this. 

Anyways, this chapter was EXTREMELY short, but please be patient! Most boring chapter yet, but please know for a fact that mostly everything that I write in my chapter is important, and should be remembered. This may seem  pointless right now, but sooner you'll understand. 

Anyways, the next two chapters are going to reveal MOST secrets! Excited? Nah? Yeah? 

I'll try to update as soon as possible but y'all know me lol. 

~Viv