DIVIDE X PHAN

How Would You Feel (paean)

Word count: 2640

paean

n.

1. song of praise or triumph.

'a paean of praise for the great poets'

2. A creative work expressing enthusiastic praise.

'he's created a filmic paean to his hero'

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Dan's POV 

Phil and I's relationship is special. I would say complicated, but that's exactly what it's not. We don't use a label, we don't really care. It's great, but it can also be confusing at times.

It's currently 3 am and we're in Phil's car talking and giggling. We're parked outside a closed gas station, not for any specific reason, but just that we like to be on our own; no one except each other. 

We may be 25 and 29, but I feel like a child with no cares in the world and always smiling. We have our serious moments too, but I like it the best when Phil is happy and smiling. When he makes weird animal impressions and says completely random stuff. When he pouts because I swear and hits me playfully in the chest when I tell him how stupid he is. How he squeals when I tickle him and how it always ends up with his soft lips on mine.

How he kisses my cheek and tells me how beautiful I am when I'm self-conscious. How he blushes when I tell him how perfect he is. When he gets all flustered because he thinks he's said something wrong. How he listens to my deep rants and hugs me tightly and says that everything's gonna be okay and plays with my hair.  He tells me that it doesn't matter, that all that matters and all we have to worry about is the next minute. ((minute for minute with Even and Isak))

 I don't know if Phil loves me. I don't know if we're in a relationship. I don't know if Phil one day is gonna get married and have children with someone else; but I do know that I love Phil and he has made my life so much better. I can't even begin to comprehend how lucky I am.

 "Are you okay, Dan?" Phil questions, fair enough since I got silent and thoughtful all of a sudden. I look over at him and see his gorgeous features and beautifully blue eyes looking back at me. Phil has soft but prominent cheekbones. He has perfectly shaped eyebrows which highlights his big, bright eyes which are full of emotion. They're packed with light and happiness and of course his eyes aren't the only gorgeous thing about him, but they sum up how he makes you feel and they represent Phil as a person.

"Yeah, I'm just feeling a bit distant today," I answer and offer a smile. He gives me a warm smile in response. I love how genuine his smile is when it's directed at me. When he smiles at most other people it seems fake, and it often is, but it doesn't do Phil's actual smile justice.

"Oh! By the way, Rajih invited us to dinner with some of his other friends tomorrow. It's to celebrate him moving to London, and I said yes because to be honest we need some social interaction." Phil informed and I snorted at the last part. In public we didn't kiss. In public we didn't tell each other secrets, and in public Phil's soft hands weren't playing with my slightly curly hair.  

I nodded and turned my head to the abounded gas station. Phil stretched his hand and ran his index finger down the back of my arm. The car being our friends' lame 2000 Chevrolet Corvette, because who has cars in London. We closed the roof only 5 minutes ago, which is why it was so cold. It was June, but added with the north temperature zone and 3 am it was cold as balls out.