DIVIDE X PHAN

Supermarket flowers ⚘ (draft)

since a lot of people seems to like this bs and i dont think i will continue, here's a draft.

(also i wrote a 11k words oneshot in my oneshoot book)

Word count: 1k

-_-

Dan Howell was anything but okay. He was broken, angry, scared and lonely because 22. January 2019 his best friend and boyfriend died. He hadn't died instantly though, he was hospitalized a week prior to his death and Dan had been there all the time. 

He woke up Wednesday 23. January confused. He felt that his cheeks were tear stained and he was in a hospital. He quickly came to his senses and figured he must've become sleepy because of his major outburst last night and fell asleep. The sounds of birds were drowned by the shouts and cries from the busy hospital. The hospital bed that his boyfriend has rested in was empty. The bed sheets still messy from when he had laid there. 

Dan already missed Phil's smiles more than anything in the world. Dan had gone through a year of seeing his boyfriends slowly dying. Chemotherapy had taken loads of stuff; like his beautiful black hair. And his appetite, Dan had to force him to eat on some days, and comfort him when he was throwing up. His skin had been in need of soothing, and sex wasn't something he liked anymore.

There was loads of cuddling when some of the effects of, either cancer or the chemotherapy. Not the cute cuddles though, when it was right after Phil had thrown up the hugs and kisses felt sad. Like they said 'I'm dying' instead of 'I love you'. Not that Dan ever doubted that the boy loved him. The damn doctors always keeping his hopes up and until a week ago Dan had been sure that his boyfriend would survive. But chemotherapy was meant to help, it would've saved his boyfriend. It has saved loads of people. 

Dan lifted himself up from his spot on the stool right beside the bed. His neck hurt from the position he'd fallen asleep in. Phil would've massaged him and kissed his neck softly to make it feel all better again. Phil wasn't there though, something Dan had to accept. That sounded easier than it was. Death is an official end, you will never get to see the person again. All good things come to an end. His mind started to fill with existential questions and thoughts. He shook his head when the thoughts got too depressing. 

He looked around the empty room. The floor was decorated with used tissues. His gaze moved up to the windowsill where a couple flowers were placed. They looked miserable. Flowers someone that had never really cared about Phil had bought at a stupid supermarket. They didn't even deserve Phil alive, but Dan, who'd stuck with his boyfriend and helped him everything he could get nothing. He deserved Phil more than anyone.

A nurse in her dark-blue uniform entered the room carefully. "Hey" She said carefully as she took a look around the room. "I'm really sorry, but you have to be out in 40 minutes so if you could start to pack" She informed him. Normally Dan would be annoyed that someone talked so carefully to him, but he really needed it at that point. Though, he would much rather curl up in a ball in Phil's old bed and cry for the rest of time. He nodded quickly with a reassuring smile, that didn't fool anyone.

The nurse stopped in her tracks. "I offer my condolences, Phil was-", she paused and inhaled deeply. "He was an amazing guy, you were lucky. I hope things will work out for you Dan," she only got a short nod and a 'thank you' muttered in response. When Dan shot her a glance he realized that it was one of the nurses that had worked regularly with his boyfriend. Dan contemplated the last part because it seemed like she was trying to indicate that he got a new significant other. That wouldn't happen. 

Dan moved over to the bedside table. He figured the people that worked there would take care of the dishes if he just got his stuff and his trash. Or rather, his dead boyfriends. He circled his index finger around the edge of the glass Phil had drunk out of just a day prior. On the bed, there were some of Phil's clothes that Dan had brought him. Never expecting it to be the last time he wore them. Dan couldn't really give two fucks if he was being weird, so he picked up his Phil's yellow Jake the dog sweater and smelled it. When the soft scent of his boyfriend hit him he started crying. 

He laid down in the hospital bed, the one he Phil had been in. Some sobs excepted his mouth against his will. His head was pounding like all the sounds in the whole world were playing loudly in his ear. Not into one noise, obviously, that would just be white noise, but more like a tuba, loud construction workers and a screamo band consisting of 12-year-old's. 

  Oh, I'm in pieces. It's tearing me up but I know

A heart that's broke is a heart that's been loved

The morning sun contrasted with the dark clothing covering Dan's body. He'd been careful to just bring the darkest clothes he owned, just because it felt very wrong to wear colors when his boyfriend was dying. Sad thoughts circled around his head as he looked around the dirty hospital room. He knew he really had to get up to clean the room, but as usual, he was procrastinating. Just that this time he had a pretty fucking good reason. 

After a lot of hesitation, he got up from the messy bed. Then he proceeded to walk up to where some cards were left on the nightstand, on the opposite side of the one Dan had been facing. One card with a pretty deep red rose on the cover. It was addressed to Dan, who hadn't read it yet. He was just too emotionally drained for it.