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Part 22- fault

Samantha's pov

I called my mom about what happened while we're in the car it seems like she's very very mad at me. She don't want to see me.

Tok

Tok

Tok

(Mom open the door)

Pak!

slap

Glen : what did you do samantha??

Are you not thinking?  Huh.

She say hurtful words into deep me. That causes me to cry in their front silently.

Samantha: mom(silent)

Glen: I don't want to see you.

Go to your room now.

Make sure that steff will gonna be alright or else.

Samantha: mom or else.....

Glen: or else I will going to forget you as my child.

Cause how can you do that to your employer?

I can't imagine that , after all I've been a good mother for you.

We go to our room now. I'm crying deep inside but I don't want to show it to my mom. She's very upset after what I did. I need to check my employer steff after all.

Samantha: steff.

Steff is not speaking and I don't know either whether she hear me.

I let her lay down on the bed. I removed her clothes. I removed first her blouse and apply a cold compress gently while she's staring at me and seems like she Want to cry that she cannot even do it.

I removed her pants gently,  I know that she's hurt. I gently apply coldcompress so that the pain will get minimize.

Starting from her shoulders then to her hand,  then to her knees,  down to feet.  I already remove her underwear for her to be comfortable.

Her eyes seems that she's in fear and trauma. After my application to her I already cover her with a smooth black blanket.

I don't know but.  She's really in pain. I see it through her eyes.  I can't explain it but i need to be with her,  as my mom said.

We're under this black blanket.  I hold her hand,  that is currently shaking of fear.

Samantha: steff,  listen to me.  It's now over.  They cannot hurt you again. I am here now.

It's all my fault,  for gods sake. Please forgive me steff.  (Crying)  I have no good. I always do fucking things.  Please forgive me.

Steff: she-shetal

Samantha: im fucking idiot.

Steff: ( crying)  hhhhhuuuuuhuuhuuhh

Samantha: steff please don't cry.  ( I hugged steff tightly , a body that is full of fear. I'm so non-sense).

She's crying....   I can hear it from my back. By the way. Sheetal?

Oh.  She's already asleep. Only the lamp of the lights are still on.
I need to be with her. I know that it is all my fault.  She is one of my good employer.

I want to let her feel that I am sincere for that sorry and I will let her feel that I am really blaming my self of what was happened.

-----------      ---------------------    -------
Samantha: oh. Steff,  you're awake. I made a breakfast for you. Please join me.

Steff: (staring) 

Samantha:( I pulled out steff's hand going to the table).

Steff: ouch! ( she can't walk well)

(Samantha just guide her for a while).

Samantha: please,  steff. I'm really really sorry for what I have done. I know that it's hard for you to forgive me but I want you to know that what was happened is just an accident. I didn't even want that to happen.

Steff: ma'am samantha

Samantha: my mom hates me now and I don't know what to do now.

Steff: I'm so so-soory ma'am.
Its my fault because I keep following you. (Crying)

Samantha: please don't cry steff. Just be okay.

I do my best to convince her to eat her food.  My mom texted me and she says that the suspects are now in the jail.

I'm very happy,  because they deserve it.
At least,. Worry less.

----------   -----------

Steff: dont worry for me ma'am samantha,  at least I learned now my lesson.

Samantha : okay then. 
Again it is my mistake.  I know that my mom only beg you to join us for my celebration and after that I will do that to you.

Steff I want you to realize that I am concern to my employees and to the company. But I'm not the type of person that is showy.

I know my limitations.

------------    ----------------

(After 3 days)

Steff  :  hindi ko parin siyempre nakalimutan ang mga nangyari kahit pa na pinatawad ko na si ma'am samantha. 

Ngayon ay nandito pa din kami sa south Korea.  Bawat araw ay kung swan swan kami pumupunta para mag -celebrate.

Pero parang bumabalik nanaman sa dati si ma'am samantha. Wala nanaman siyang pakielam kung may nasasaktan siyang Tao o wala. Siguro mga kaya niya lang ako ginawan ng kabutihan dahil iyon ang gusto ng mama niya pero ang totoo ay ang gusto niya lang talaga ay ang makasakit lang ng damdamin ng iba.

Oo,  aaminin ko na nasasaktan na ako,  aaminin ko na mahal ko pa rin siya kahit ayoko na at pagod na pagod na ako.  Aaminin ko na kinasusuklaman ko ngayon ang sarili ko dahil pinapangarap ko na mamahalin niya din ako gaya ng pagmamahal ko sa kanya.

Pero malabo na ata iyong mangyari.  Sobrang sakit lang talaga. Gusto ko naman sanang mawala na tong feelings ko para sa kanya e.  Pero parang lalo lang lumalala at mas lalo pa along nahuhulog sa kanya sa kabila ng ugali niya.

Ba't ganto kabulag ang puso ko???  Hindi ko naman siya dapat mahalin dahil pangit ang ugali niya at wala naman siyang pakialam sa mga taong paligid niya.

Pero bakit sa kabila ng lahat ng iyon ay siya pa run ang palaging nasa isip ko?  Sa tuwing gigising ako?  Bago matulog?  Bakit ikaw ma'am samantha?  Bakit?

Humahanap nga talaga ako ng dahilan para mawala na yung feelings ko para sayo. Pero sa tuwing nakikita kita parang nagiging blanko ang lahat at nagakakaroon pa lalo ng dahilan upang mahalin kita.

Kinukumbinse ko na talaga ang sarili ko na mawala ka na sa isipan ko tutal naman kailan man alam Kong hindi mo masusuklian ang pagmamahal ko sayo at kailan man ay hindi mo ako titingnan gaya ng pagtingin ko sayo.