Poems Of Wisdom, Wanderlust, & Love...

Fears

In middle school I had tried but failed socially, yet academically had succeeded.

In high school I had done well socially and succeeded academically...

Yet in college I had failed both.

Why?

Because I was afraid.

I feared people.

And the pain they cause.

I feared failure so I gave up academically...

Therefore assuring my own downfall.

Now I'm constantly unemployed going from grunt work to grunt work.

I'm 21 and I can't live an enjoyable life because I feel empty.

In college I discovered myself a tiny bit but I pulled away.

I had friends, people I thought I could continue to be with, people I could try to enjoy life with...

But the fear made me a coward.

I pulled away before they could do so and hurt me deeper than they could know.

I don't want to feel rejection...

Not again.

But no matter how many people I cut off, I can't get rid of all of them.

And so I continue to get hurt.

Over and over, a washed with shame and regret.

Always thinking, if only.