Poems Of Wisdom, Wanderlust, & Love...

My Disgust

I have two younger sisters, and so I grew up with the burden of being a role model...

The straight A student with National Honors, and other awards plus a full ride scholarship to college...

But I failed.

My break downs grew worst and worst as I suppressed them more and more...

And the more I hid them, the harsher the pain in my chest.

I thought I could deal with it all but uncertainty grew in me as I treaded my hard worked path.

No one could help.

No one would help me.

Since I had no one special enough to care you see.

Oh there were people.

People who chattered.

People who acted a part.

And then there were people who simply wanted to get in my pants.

But not a single one truly cared about me.

If I had not broken down before the whole school back in my last year of high school, no, not a person would've known I'd been shamefully molested at home for the first time by a man that had shamefully beaten me and broken my spirit for seven years hence.

No one would've ever known.

And no one would've cared.

My mother hadn't.

Not for seven years.

I never wanted pity.

What I wanted was a hand to reach out...

To tell me I was someone.

That I had reason to exist.

But no one did.

Most pitied me.

But my family hated me for two years afterwards.

I wallowed myself with a friend who then introduced to the man I would be with for the first time.

No, my first time wasn't sweet.

It was painful and harsh, something done on a whim to prove I existed.

Halfway through it, I chickened out and said no over and over but the man didn't stop and my days of being even the slightest clean came to a halt.

No I wasn't saved, not once.

I failed at College afterwards.

And promptly dropped out.

I had no passion.

I had no reason for much of anything.

I failed.