Shift

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I took the top off of the Jeep, stuck my big insulated coffee mug in the cup holder, tied my hair up into a top knot, hopped in, and turned the radio on as I pulled onto the street and took off.
It was 7:00 in the morning on a Saturday. I had barely slept, too busy researching Caroline and her stay in Stoneybrook on my phone while Jessica slept soundly next to me. I'd left early, feigning cramps, and here I was, on the highway by 7:10.
I stuck a CD in, tired of the commercials. I didn't check, I just reached into the holder on my visor and grabbed one at random.
Muse started playing through the speakers.
My breath caught; the last time I had listened to this, Chris was in my passenger seat.

I ejected the CD and let it fly from my hands and out of the Jeep, watching it fly into the grass. I selected a CD I'd burned with my favorite songs and turned up the volume, forcing myself to take deep breaths and not cry.
~

I got to Stoneybrook at 10 in the morning.
The assisted living facility was cute and simple. The brick exterior was a warm red, and circle drive was lined with Sunflowers. I smiled, parking the Jeep and hopping out, forged papers in hand, and walked confidently into the building.

Stoneybrook was cute inside, too. A little old man lounged in a wicker furniture set, petting a French Bulldog while he read Moby Dick. A Scentsy was lit on the table next to him, and the room smelled like cinnamon.

I walked to the front desk. A vase of wildflowers almost hit the receptionist's head from view.
I nudged them gently aside, and she looked up at me with a smile.
Her white hair was halfway up, wisps falling messily everywhere. Her cheeks were flushed.

"Sorry, I just picked those and set them down wherever I could fit 'em. How can I help you?"

I smiled warmly, making sure I sounded as sweet and innocent as could be.

"My grandma, Caroline, stayed here for quite some time."

Her smile became sympathetic.
"We were so sorry to see her go. But she's in a better place now."

I hesitated- Caroline was not in a better place yet.
But she would be soon.

"Yes, she is," I murmured. "Could you tell me what happened to little Patsy? I was just thinking of her. Mom never told me what happened to her."

The receptionist smiled.

I felt the chill in the air and braced myself, making sure my smile didn't falter as I saw Caroline walk through the doors.

"Patsy? I adopted her. My granddaughter is sick, and little Patsy brings her so much comfort. That dog is saving her."

My eyes watered when Caroline broke into a huge smile, tears streaming down her face, and slowly disappeared. The room warmed again, and I thanked the receptionist before leaving, papers that I didn't even need tucked into my purse.

I wiped my eyes before I started up the Jeep.

For the first time in a long time, I felt useful and needed. It was a great feeling.
~

When I pulled into my street at 4:00, Erik was on the porch.

My hands tightened on the wheel. I sped up and pulled into the driveway, anxious to hear what he had to say.

His blonde hair was longer, the circles under his eyes darker.

I felt horrible.

I jogged to him.

"Erik," I breathed.

He looked at me, eyes burning.

"You really hurt me."

I looked down, a pit in my stomach.

"I know," I whispered. "I wish I could take it all back. Go back in time-"

I was cut off as when he put his hands on either side of my face and brought my gaze up to him roughly. I blinked twice, stunned and confused.

"You really hurt me, but god dammit I can't stop thinking about you. Why?" He demanded.

"Because there was something here," I told him, eyes watering. "Until I ruined it."

"Do you want to fix it?" He asked, voice husky.

I closed my eyes.
His hands were warm on my cheeks, his scent to welcoming. He was breathing heavily- I could feel his chest against mine.
This boy loved me. He always had. He was here. He was dependable. He was drama free. He was comfortable.
I opened my eyes, ignoring the little break in what was left of my heart.

"Yes," I whispered.

He kissed me.