Lesbian Crushes and Bulimia: A Diary on How I Acquired my Eating Disorder (lesbian story)

Lesbian Crushes and Bulimia: A Diary on How I Acquired my Eating Disorder-Part 2

Sunday 20th August 1989,  >  Home

I discovered that the train home was to pass through the town where Miss Williams had once lived! When we arrived I drank in everything. I thought, ‘She must have stood here, waiting to catch the train to university.’

Sent off to Truprint for two more poster-sized photographs of Miss Williams. I already have one on my wall and one on the ceiling above my bed so that her face is the first thing I see on waking and the last thing I see at night.

I have been thinking about Alex all day.

Monday 21st August 1989, Home

I was down on my hands and knees, scrubbing the ground outside McDonald’s 6:10pm. An alcoholic bloke came up and told me I shouldn’t be doing that, it’s not right. He kissed my hand, took the brush off me and scrubbed some himself. Then he went inside to see the manager. He spoke to her and told her they shouldn’t be making me do that. The area manager came out and got me to tell the man that I didn’t mind doing it. Eventually I had to come in and wait until he’d gone before carrying on.

Tuesday 22nd August 1989, Home

Alex had said that she would write to me on Sunday, post it on Monday and I’d receive it on Tuesday. I was so scared it wouldn’t be there. It was. I was so thrilled, but I didn’t open it. Caught up with my other letter-writing. Made a tape to send to Alex, including A Little Respect by Erasure, which is our tune, because it was being played over and over in the Taverna.

Opened Alex’s letter. We were going to write to each other in the code I taught her. The letter was really beautiful and emotional. It nearly made me cry. I wrote back on the inside of an orange envelope, which I had unstuck. I sellotaped the envelope back up again and put the tape inside. This into a white envelope and then a brown one. Told her I missed her so much.

After work I started writing another letter to Alex which I finished 4:40am.

Wednesday 23rd August 1989, Home

This morning I decided that I really must lose some weight now. I didn’t have a single thing to eat all day.

Thursday 24th August 1989, Home

Again had absolutely nothing to eat all day. Last thing I ate was about 11pm on Tuesday on the close at McDonald’s: a few McNuggets and a quarter of a Filet-o-Fish. The amazing thing is: I don’t even feel hungry! I’m 5' 6" and I weigh ten and a quarter stone. It was a real shock. I’d thought I was about nine and three quarters. I don’t really look any thinner yet. Alex is so thin.

Friday 25th August 1989, Home

I have had not a single thing to eat again today. That’s three days now. It’s so weird. And I’m still not hungry. This must be owing to the fact that I’ve been drinking milk and orange juice, but even so. ... My stomach doesn’t stick out as much as it did, but there’s not really that much difference.

Saturday 26th August 1989, Home

Just had orange juice and Diet Coke all day. A few rumbles, but I’m still not hungry—and still not thin!

Sunday 27th August 1989, Home

Mum woke me up at lunchtime. Louise was coming round with boyfriend Gary and baby Sophie for a family meal. Had my first thing to eat for four and a half days: beef, boiled potatoes, etc. Nothing happened. I was half expecting to be sick or something.