Leave the future in the past (Gilgamesh x Reader)

Chapter 14

You were dancing. Drops of rain were sinking into you, becoming the cells of your body. You were losing your senses. You were the rain. Free and unstoppable. Suddenly strange flavor touched your lips. Something sour was invading your dance. It tasted like iron. Blood..? You raised your head into the sky. It was black. But the drops of rain... They were red. They were the color that haunted you for 10 years. It started to pour. Shower of blood. It intruded your dance. It separated you from the nature that you have just become.

You opened your eyes. It took you a few moments to realize who you are and where you are. Scorching heat – like someone was holding you above a bonfire like some kind of sausage. Too many thoughts in one moment made your head dizzy. Material beneath you was soft. Bed..? And indeed – surroundings were that of your room. But when did you come back home? Did Gilgamesh bring you back? What was happening? Instantly your pupils widened. You killed him. You killed Takeshi. You took his life away. He's not breathing anymore. He's not laughing anymore. He can't feel the rain anymore. You felt you stomach started to jolt and without hesitation you hurtled for the bathing room.

You vomited into the toilet, hugging its cold sides, trying to stay still. You killed a man. Butchered him like he was nothing more than a pig waiting for its limbs to become a delicacy. You murdered him just like he had slaughtered your parents – cold-blooded and full of rage. Were you better then him? A murderer. That is what you were right now. You vomited again. Your hair stuck to your mouth. You were a monster.

"No, you are not, (y/n)." You heard Gilgamesh saying. He kneeled right next to you and moved your hair away from your lips. His warm fingers brushed your skin. You knew how you looked – dirty, covered in battle blood, you (h/c) hair were messy and your eyes were framed into tired and dark skin circles. You turned your head away – somehow this appearance seemed invading his perfectness. Man next to you just smiled.

"It's ok, you don't need to feel uncomfortable around me."

This last drop poured the glass full – tears started to run down your face. Even to get covered in all the dirt there is in this world – your soul would still be filthier.

"Stop judging yourself. You did what you had to do. You did what you wanted to do for those 10 desperate years." He said in a calm voice.

"But I killed him. How does that make me better than him?"

"It doesn't."

You instantly raised your head. His ruby orbs were calm.

"Don't compare yourself to him. Because you are not him. And you'll never be. You are so much better – kind, caring and brave. Yes, you ended his life. But don't forget where we're right now – we're at war. Not only are we fighting for the Holy Grail – our lives are also in danger. If you weren't the one to kill him others would have been. Lives are meaningless and yet priceless at this war."

"But I didn't just kill him – I stabbed him with anger and hate. Like I was a psychopath."

"And how did you feel at that moment?"

This question shook you. How did you feel? And for all seriousness. How did you feel? You cried at first. But then... You felt so light like you've never felt before.

"That's right. You cried for him. Cried for him, because of him, for 10 years. It's enough, (y/n). Don't cry for your past. Don't regret your decisions. Learn how to live with them. And please, look at your future, start building it. It's time for you to forge your own path. And I'm here to help you."

You looked at Gilgamesh. His eyes were steady, calm and determined. How is that his calmness always calmed you down too?

He stood up, took a towel, watered it and gave it to you. You were grateful to have something to wash your dirt away with. Golden-haired man kneeled next to you and gently put one of his hands under your legs and other one – behind your shoulder and lifted you up. You were too tired to fight back and to be honest nor did you have the desire to do that. You wrapped your hands around his neck and placed your head onto his chest. Only his shirt was separating your body from his hard muscles and his scent – smell of sea and citrus made you feel so safe. Gilgamesh put you on a bed and lifted the blanket on.

"Sleep well, (y/n). Try to rest. We still have a war to win. And I need you in full power – just like the day you summoned me."

Then the strangest thing happened – he put his hand on your cheek and gently pressed his lips to your forehead.

"Goodnight." Were his last words before disappearing and leaving his golden dusts behind.

That nigh you didn't have a single nightmare.