Art And Stuff 2

so yeah

I wanted to note about how inactive I've been with no art and I actually want to get in depth with it so everyone knows the situation.

As you all must have noticed by now(and if not then you'll know right now) I am gay.

there are major cons to this and it leaves a lot of stress because of how much I hate I get Irl.

and if u have read in previous chapters or maybe i haven't mentioned it,My ipad,my sole option to taking photo is cracked any pretty much unusable.

I'd also like to mention that most friends online and offline are struggling them,and I don't know how to help then or improve their situation.

Im sorry for those who are hurting or are depressed.

And believe me, I know how it feels.

I honestly didn't know how long I could live carefree and not care.

but all things must come to an end.

Now Im about to get really fucking emotional and in depth so bare with me.

so, if you don't know me irl or know how i am personality wise, i seem like a happy-go-lucky type of kid. And honestly,thats what I want most of my friends to see me as.

but there are some really cons to that. I have abandonment issues, hate not being noticed or talked to, and I just practically do whatever i can for attention.

And most of the things I tell people are lies, or just aren't true in itself.

I am suicidal

I am stressful

I am depressed

I am a dickhead

I am a attention whore

I have abandonment issues

I have trouble remembering things aka Short term memory loss

I hate not being able to help people.

Sometimes I wonder why i still try in this world.

I think about hanging myself or cutting my throat out.

and its not ok

I dont go to guidance counselors because I don't want them to bring it up to my mom.

I am a hypocrite.

Now most of the people here don't care or just wonder why I keep updating.

and I hate myself for not being good enough for you guys to enjoy.

and I would love to try everything all over again, to go back and just re-do all those happy things.

and this book is probs gonna get reported because of suicide or stuff.

but i don't care.

I want you guys to know what it feels like to be me

and it fucking sucks.

I feel like a rolling ball of negativity, bringing bad luck to whoever i come in contact with.

sometimes i wish I could just stop breathing and just forget everything.

i'm such a terrible friend

and I should just atone for what i've done.

but i know that even if i die,i'll do more damage to those who actually care about me and i wouldn't know what to do with my self afterwards.

sorry if i ruined your day

sorry if I ruined our friend ship

sorry if I was just a dick and didn't listen

sorry if I just didn't do what you asked

sorry if I ruined your relation ship with someone

sorry that i still keep trying

sorry that I've done anything to you.