The White One

Prolouge

It never occurred to me way back when, that this would happen. I never understood life as something so simplistic. Even though moments and objectives alternated and differentiated, in the end… Well, in the end it was the same mundane routine. Human beings may just see happiness as a pursuit… We all strive for it. Some of us find it more often than others. And some of us, well, we never find it all.

The idea of never achieving a peak of happiness was my fear, because… Well, I was never on top or bottom; I was just in the middle. People never saw me as too happy or too sad… But, I knew. I knew what I was very well.

The ultimate goal of happiness is actually a simple problem that most of us find impossible to explain even though when looked from afar it is very quite simple. We find happiness so rare in our times… Instead of letting happiness come to us as in old times, we strive so hard to find it… That we are left too busy wanting… Wanting for better… Most of us may think to ourselves, “If I can feel this now… Then there must be something better.” Instead of dwelling on what we have around us, we grip further and further and further at the future. Building our way to the top, we never stop to break ourselves away from the mechanics of things and look outside the wall… At the flowers, at the mountains, at the endless beauty that surrounds us! And worst of all, worst of all, at ourselves…. We don’t stop to look at ourselves.

We should look at happiness as a mountain… It may take time to climb up, and there may be obstacles along the way that may change who we are in one simple second. Yet one day… We will reach the top. However, few of us will stop to look over what you have done-no, achieved! So few of us can find this simplicity… A very miniscule few of us will stop from our busy lives… Instead they-we-run down the mountain so fast, that we fall. We don’t rise, we fall, and we get hurt so quickly because in the end, we are really fragile. By doing so, we make it harder to get back up again. Even though a fallen angel in the end is evil, it is quite beautiful… However, that’s if or when it does rise again. That very crucial change… It is not always for the better. Some of us will end our journey there, when it is not to be ended.

What would it be like not knowing such happiness? The thought at times can be unbearable, and we grow afraid. Stuck like a pebble in the mud, we sink down into eternal emptiness. Some of us know this torturous pain, reach out to others… We selfishly find happiness through loving others, and in the end we are loved. But is this a false, selfish love to be so selfless? When is it too far? To love others, you must first love yourself, you know.

Then again, what happens to those of us that can never and will never achieve our happiness? What happens to us? They say it’s… power… to be knowledgeable. They are entirely correct. However, like a rich man, a knowledgeable man can never reach pure happiness. We are too busy looking at the flaws in the equation and continue searching for correction instead of looking past the difficulties. We see happiness in the eyes of fools as bliss. Does a fool find happiness better than a knowledgeable man? Is this true? Even out of emptiness, the fools and poor find more sanctuaries. They look at happiness as a blessing.

I’m afraid that happiness is like love, a complex simplicity that is unattainable and attainable. You may ask, who am I to judge? You’re right. I’m not a pebble, nor am I hiker, nor am I a runner. I’m the in between stuck in a dog eat dog world. Only a passerby, but a renowned citizen at the same time. I am the in between.