Bruised Innocence

Chapter 6

"He seems awfully quiet. Do you think he's---?" Someone asked.

"Na, he's just out cold." Another voice replied.

I felt dizzy and everything was still very fuzzy. My head spun and my eyes felt heavy.

Slowly I regained my consciousness and I wished that I hadn't. The first thing I became aware of was, the pain.

The forest seemed to be closing in on me. I couldn't control my breathing. I was panicking. I wanted to be away from here.

My consciousness chose the wrong time to return. It was sometime during the assault.

It was like being forced to witness your own murder, like someone stabbing you repeatedly while you curled in on them even though you wanted to be as far away from them as much as you could.

I felt the burn of his hands roaming all over my body, his insistence at marking my body as much as he could and the unending greed of his act.

I felt sullied. My body still moved the way he desired, bending to his will and moving due to his movements. I felt numb from all the pain but it still hurt like hell.

It seemed like he hadn't had his way till then. My hands were bent uncomfortably behind my back and I couldn't even feel them.

During a particularly strong stroke, I couldn't hold back from crying out loud in pain,"NOoonmph!"

It was too much too handle.

"Back, are we?" Samon asked before flipped me. I was lying on my back now which felt pricked by small stones lying on the forest floor.

Though it was nothing compared to what I felt everywhere else in my body.

I slowly managed to look up at him and found myself staring into the eyes of my own personal demon.

There was still a cruel possessiveness in them and I could finally identify the other thing in his eyes, hunger as he took in the sight of my body.

He seemed to be looking for something in my eyes. I barely could bring myself to breathe. Did he expect me to fight? To hit him again?

I had no fight left in me. I was bereft of all defiance. There was nothing left in me. Nothing at all, except a lot of pain, that he caused.

That's what they did. All those bullies in the school. They caused pain and marveled at their ability to do so.

My lips quivered at the reminder of how uncalled for it all was. I didn't do anything to offend them and here they were, trying to ruin me.

Trying? They had ruined me already. It wasn't something like hiding my bag or tripping me in the hallways.

I felt my eyes closing in again and in no time at all, he was at it again and cries would escape me with every grunt.

He didn't want me to pass out again. He wanted to stay awake as he assaulted me. It was so cruel.

I wish they had just killed me instead. The enormity of that thought finally sunk in me.

I was wishing for death! Was I ready to leave it all behind? All the dreams of my parents of finally overcoming generations of poverty?

All those friends I had made? The kindness of Matt and some teachers at the school?

No! I wasn't ready! I wanted to live, to become a successful person, to find someone who loved me.

I have never had it easy. I always had to fight for even the smallest of the things.

"S--stop!" I shrieked. He actually stopped. I didn't believe my eyes. His hands still dug into my shoulders with all his weight and I didn't even want to think about his body intertwined with me.

I had to make him stop! Why was he doing this? Yes! He said that he hated my eyes! So I just had to--

"I---I would do anything. I would change my---I would buy contact lenses--or glasses," I pleaded, "just please stop!"

A sob escaped me. "I can't---I can't bear it anymore."

It was a welcome respite. For a second I thought he would actually stop but then-

"No!" He grunted and all my hope was dashed again. I wanted to cry. It was like he listened to me reason. He had no mercy.

He made me look up at him, "I would have you for as long as I want!"

And with these words, his body started moved more unforgiving now.

I didn't have any more energy left in me to reply. I felt wetness on my cheek and realized that I was still crying from the pain.

After what seemed like ages, he defiled me with a loud moan. I felt it fill me and it prickled when it touched my skin.

Sobs interspersed with hiccups escaped me and I did nothing to stop them.

He bit my neck and freed my hands from his grip. The moment he left them, they just turned slack.

I tried moving my hands but they felt stiff not unlike most parts of my body.

He lingered on me for a few moments and then stood up and walked over to the pile of clothes, pulling his pants, zipping himself up never taking his eyes off me.

Finally he wore his shirt. I saw him carelessly button his shirt up which led to a  few buttons not being in their slots and the shirt to look a bit more rumpled.

I just laid there still and immobile with pain.

What did I ever do to deserve this? Why did it happen to me? How can I live with it?

I wanted answers, I just wanted to know the reason. God can't be so cruel! No, it was probably just a nightmare that mom would wake me up from.

Soon I would find myself in my bed at home but the throbbing pain very cruelly denied all my delusions.

It wasn't a nightmare. It was real. I was here.

He--He rap--

I broke down into tears again. Even crying hurt too much.

*Another very difficult chapter to write. So much angst! I had this urge to edit out some of the more graphic details but I resisted because they were there when I first wrote it. I guess I wasn't holding back then. Comments please! Updated on: 3/08/20*