So I went most of the day without starting the conversation, without realizing in the morning she tried to talk to me, but I didn't realize it. So in the evening my friends told me she was really upset, so I went to her, talked to her, and hoped it would be okay. She said it was, I asked again and she said it was. So I left and went off to my class. School finished and I headed home, when I got home, I couldn't help but feel guilty, so she texted me back by saying, "What the hell!" I realized she was taking this a lot harder than I thought, at this point I was freaking out. I apologized again, and it broke into a one sided argument, she was losing her mind, and I was just apologizing. I can't remember exact details of the argument, but I remember, her saying, "I didn't even want a relationship, are you trying to get me to break up with you," then saying "I date 18 year old men, not little children like you." Till today that still hurts, but I continued on my path of apologies, at this point I was physically sweating. Eventually she was on the path of breaking up with me, and then I suggested, we have an open relationship, she could be with whoever she wants, and it would be okay. She seemed pleased with the idea. It was almost miraculous what she asked next, "What do you want." I told her what I want won't matter, and she insisted, so I told her that it would kill me to see her with another guy, but as long as the end of the day she was still mine, it would be worth it. Magically her mind changed, she said "we'd be exclusive, and continue dating." So that put an end to that fight. Conversation continued, but not as normal, I knew that from that day we'd never quite be the same, and I was right. This sparked me to text Terra again, she and I didn't end on very bad terms, and she worked like a plan b. So the next day in school it was pretty awkward between Renee and I, I tried to pass it off as nothing had happened but I was mesmerized at how she made me feel, she took the lead of the relationship, something I always do.
We broke off for winter break, and the relationship was powering through by Facebook, texting each other everyday kept us going strong. One day we were talking and she started talking about this hot Chinese guy she had seen, she had a thing for Chinese guys, it was something I found out a few years earlier. Usually i'd be okay with her talking about another hot guy or whatever floats her boat, but this time it got weird, she started talking about how she wanted to be with that guy. I was shocked, I couldn't believe that she thought telling her boyfriend that she wants to end up with another guy would be okay. So I texted her best friend, Autumn, at this point she became the middle man in our relationship, I vented it all out, I more hurt than furious to be honest. Once it was all out, I went back to Renee, and to my shock she was apologizing, everything I had told Autumn, Autumn had told Renee! Renee was pretty embarrassed and I was too, I don't think anyone wants their girlfriend to know that they can't fess up whats on their mind. So we apologized to each other for a bit, a was sorry I couldn't just come clean directly too her, and she was sorry for what she did.
After this it was going smoothly, it was four days to Christmas, we were texting a few days earlier and had an argument, and after it we hadn't spoken for a while. Anyway I'm sitting in my room, talking to a bunch of my mates, and I get this phone call from Autumn. It was about Renee, she wanted to break up, when I realized what she was talking about I was lost, I couldn't imagine after an argument, she wanted to break up with me, and then she couldn't even break up with me herself. I honestly didn't know what to feel, I was feeling a combination of anger, and sadness. I was enjoying what I had with her, and now it was all over. So I ended the call, I sat for about 10 minutes, and did nothing. Then I got this bright idea, burn the necklace I got with her name on it, I started a fire going, and I put it in the fire and out burst this green flame. It was insane, its almost as if I had let her go. Over the next few days a few of my friends who heard what had happened called me to find out, and we talked about it, they made me realize she wasn't anything special.
New Years came and past, and the long haul which was school was about to begin. I was ready to see my friends after so long, and catch up with everything thats happened. However, I hadn't calculated the fact that Renee is in my class, and I'd have to see her. I walked into school on the first day, happy as ever walked up to my friends, said my hello's and got ready for the new term. First term without my best friend, Mabel. I was sitting in class, until suddenly my friend nudges me, and says aren't you going to say hi to your girlfriend, I noticed she had just walked into the class, it was all almost like a scene out of a drama movie. I explained to him what had happened, and his face turned red with embarrassment, he said sorry and wandered off. I started to wonder whether she had noticed I was in the class, or whether she had been thinking about me since the break-up. On the way to one of my new classes, I meet the new girl, Tracy, she seems nice, something ironic about her. I manage to spend sometime with her, and she seems pretty cool. We barely talked, but somehow rumors had began that we were together. I didn't mind honestly, rumors are rumors, no point in wasting energy trying to prove the truth.
Around this time, I started to talk to Danielle again, it was going okay, panned out like we were destined to be "just friends." We would talk everyday, I opened up to her about everything that had happened, she was so understanding, we just clicked. She was the person I'd look forward to everyday. Get home from school and text her to find out how her day has been, get to know everything she's doing, done and wants to do. It was all going great, until I realized, I was developing feelings for this girl. She wasn't necessarily always on my mind type of into her, but I was into her, I felt something when we'd talk, a good something. Things were getting serious and one night, I asked her, why can't we go back to what we were, I was sure I wanted her. She said she wanted to go back, I was floating, I couldn't believe my luck. I managed to get her again.
One day, this girl Tandy texted me, we'd barely talk, flirt when we did, but barely talk. She and I were just going to be friends, until magically one day, we started talking more, and before I could tell what was happening, I was sub-consciously leading her on. At that point I didn't care, I wasn't in a full on relationship, so I wasn't breaking any rules. We continued talking, we'd flirt, and never really talk about anything serious.
Anyway, during this term, we'd have two school trips in a row, one that we'd have to spend a bunch of hours walking, and another where we'd go to practically just have fun. I was pretty psyched for both, an opportunity to get out of the house and just spend time with friends. A few days before the first trip, I was talking with Tracy, and we were flirting a lot. It was going well, she went home, and I did to. I got home and Autumn texts me with, "You need to get back together with Renee". At first I was stumped like hm, nah, no point in going back in this direction, and besides I have Danielle. Autumn then sent me screenshots of her conversation with Renee and things started to make sense, she blamed herself for everything, she said she might have thrown away something, something great. "And now I've ruined it all", I saw that, and a part of me thought she had changed, I decided to jump back in it. At this moment I had to make a decision, go back into a relationship where I was with her everyday, but have a generally shit relationship in totality, or stay with Danielle, and enjoy the relationship that was the definition of perfection. I decided on something, go back to her, she might be changing, this is the only decision I regret more than letting Nicole go, letting Danielle go. However the challenge came with how to tell Danielle? I decided on something, just don't reply her texts, at all. It worked in the short run, but messed up for me later, but I'll get to that. So I made a huge decision, text Renee. After three weeks of nothing, I sent, "hey".
