Therapy // Larry AU ✔️

i wished i could change

tw: self harm

...

Weeks had gone by before another incident happened. Every now and then Harry would have outbursts, but Louis hadn't seen one this bad before. Harry's had some bad moods, but this was definitely the worst.

It was during their winter exams and the poor boy was already under enough stress with having to pass the exams and making sure Louis was as stress free with his exams as well. It all started when Louis came home with a couple of friends for a study group, which Harry was fine with, until it was supper time and the 'friends' were still there.

"Um, Lou? Sorry to interrupt," Harry said politely, offering an apologetic smile to Louis and the other boys.

"No problem, love! What's up?" Louis responded with a smile, putting his pencil down on the table.

"Well, dinner is ready and..." He trailed off, eyes flickering nervously to the other boys. Louis raised his eyebrow in confusion for a second before nodding, turning back go his friends.

"Sorry lads, we gotta call it a night. Same time next week?" The eldest offered, packing his books up. The other three men nodded and said their goodbyes to Louis and Harry before they headed out.

"Am I not good enough for you?" Harry seethed, throwing his towel across the kitchen. "I've been breaking my fucking back making sure dinner is ready for you every night and I help you study for an hour every fucking night! And you just invite those guys over and ignore me all fucking night? I'm your boyfriend, Louis! Not them!" He was yelling at this point, getting right in the eldest's face.

"Harry, calm down for me, okay?" Louis said quietly, not letting anything Harry was saying go to heart because he understood that things like this would happen and he was prepared for it.

"No! What the fuck, Louis?" Harry screamed, his voice wavering slightly. He picked up one of the plates from the counter and flung it against the wall, not bothering to wait for it to crash before picking up another one. "You don't even fucking care!" He aimed this one at the spot Louis was standing in.

Louis stepped to the side and took a deep breath, trying his best to keep his fear and anger at bay as he focused on calming the boy down. "Harry, please calm down."

"No!"

At this point, Louis was starting to freak out. Harry was throwing anything and everything the could reach at Louis, including knives. He couldn't leave, God knows that Harry would either follow him or hurt himself while Louis was gone.

He looked around frantically, searching for a place he could hide until the boy calmed down. Deciding that the hall closet was the best idea, he quickly ran in and shut the door, holding the knob still with his hand so Harry couldn't get in.

Louis vaguely heard Harry calling for him in his fit of rage, no doubt to throw something else at him. He never got physical, apart from throwing things at Louis, he never laid a hand on the older lad but there was always the possibility. Harry's therapist said this as well, making Louis painfully aware of the side effects to this disorder.

"Please, Harry. Please calm down. I'm sorry for having them over," Louis pleaded through the door, feeling the tears well up in his eyes.

A few moments passed until he heard a meek "I'm sorry" in response. Louis waited an additional minute before slowly opening the door. He let out a quiet sigh of relief when he saw Harry sitting on the kitchen floor crying.

"Haz, it's okay. You can't control it," The eldest explained, reaching a hand out to rub Harry's back soothingly. "How about we eat this delicious dinner you cooked and then go cuddle, yeah?"

Harry let out a pathetic sniffle and nodded, picking his head up slowly. "C-can you heat it up? I'm gonna go jump in the shower really quick," he asked.

Louis agreed wordlessly. Harry had explained to the blue eyed boy that talking showers after an 'episode' like this was very helpful to him. Louis figured it had to do with the cool water running down his skin, not the cool blade running down his thigh.

With a shaky breath, Harry got up and padded softly into their master bath. He turned the water on to the hottest setting and grabbed the metal tin from where he hid it on the top shelf of medicine cabinet (where Louis conveniently couldn't reach) and sat down on the floor of the shower. The first cut wasn't deep, it was almost like a test. He hadn't hurt himself in almost three weeks, so when he made his first cut he wanted to savor the feeling. He wanted to bask in the feeling of the blood beading up and rolling down his skin until it started to drop onto the tile floor.

Each cut after that one got progressively deeper until Harry made a cut and could feel his skin ripping open. He hissed in pain, knowing instantly that he went too deep. He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and got up to wash his arm off. This wasn't the best move either, because as soon as he got up he fell back against the shower wall, all the blood rushing to his head. He slowly sunk back down to the floor and started crying again.

He couldn't even stand up. The blood flowing from his wrist was making him beyond lightheaded, along with the steam pouring out from the water.  He knew he would have to call Louis, the boy was going to come in anyway if Harry didn't get out soon.

Harry tried one more time to stand up and get out of the shower, but only found himself back in his previous position. He couldn't even reach up far enough to make the water cooler or shut it off all together. He opened his mouth to call for Louis, but regretted it instantly when his stomach started to heave.

He sat there heaving down the drain until he found enough strength to make the water colder. After that, he sat under the stream of the cold water for a few more seconds until he started to feel better. He successfully stood up and moved slowly out of the shower once he rinsed his hair and body quickly, making sure not to irritate his wrist anymore.

Once he reached the counter, Harry was able to place his blade back in the box and put it in its place on the top shelf. He grabbed some gauze and the first aid kit so he could wash his wound out and wrap it securely. After this was done, he pulled on his favorite purple sweater and some leggings (he told Louis they were ones that Gemma had and he stole from her when they still lived together, but Louis knew he went to the shop and bought himself a pair).

"Hey, love. I was just about to come get you." Louis walked towards the boy, kissing the back of his neck affectionately. "Dinner is ready," he added quietly.

Harry turned around and wrapped his arms around Louis, pulling him in for a tight hug. The eldest didn't question the action, knowing that Harry would randomly get very affectionate and touchy. "I love you," He spoke quietly, taking a deep breath to breathe in the scent of Louis' coconut shampoo.

"I love you, too, H." Louis replied, giving the boy a tight squeeze. "C'mon, don't want the food to get cold again, do we?"

...

1386 words

3/21/17