Yarn of Time (Canon Patchworking with Uchiha Ren Omakes)

Omake One

Yarn Of Time

Omake Series of Canon Patchworking with Uchiha Ren series

Life and Team of Aburame Shibi

*

Shibi is only a man. Sure, he's a ninja, a clan head at that! But he's also a husband and a father (both biological and adoptive, if one counted Torune as well). And because he is only a man, he is, like any other normal person, prone to making bad decisions. And his agreeing to have his name added to the list of possible genin sensei this year? Now that is the epitome of bad life choices. The icing on the cake, really.

It starts with a simple 'what can possibly go wrong' and spirals down fast. Very fast. Because Shibi is betting his very life that he had agreed to take on a team of genin, not devils. And one drama queen.

Having spent basically all his genin and chūnin years constantly in the presence of Inuzuka Tsume, he knows how to handle a boisterous character, but two of them? No way in hell. Because Tsume's very own daughter – the very same one who still calls him uncle in private and who he had babysat more than he dares to count – has turned out to be a goddamn enabler. To none other than Uchiha Ren, dubbed Tsume 2.0 by him, so far breaking every single Uchiha stereotype there is.

By the end of the first month Shibi is fairly certain that his hair is greying. By the second month, he's downright desperate, because those children (those two girls, at least) must have crawled straight out of hell and no one can convince him otherwise. No way in hell.

And this just might be the reason as to why he finds himself, wife, kids and all, at a semi-formal dinner at the Hyūga compound, with every intention of calling on a debt owed by his ex-teammate, just to free himself from his Devil Team for at least a week. He and his wife would be having their anniversary soon, and honestly this is the best time to temporarily relieve himself of the brats without raising suspicion. He's quite proud of his plotting, actually.

"I hear you have a request you wish to ask of me?" Hiashi asks later, after dinner, as Hinata, Shino, and Torune huddle together in a corner and conspicuously whisper to one another. Shibi is willing to bet that this newfound friendship is Ren's doing. Even Neji is hovering around.

"Yes, I do," Shibi agrees. "It might seem trivial, but I would be very grateful if you would take my place as Team Four jōnin instructor for a period of two weeks. My wife and I will have our tenth anniversary soon, and she demands that I help her plan the celebration. I hope you understand."

"I am a clan head, Shibi, don't forget that," Hiashi says, and Shibi fights down a eyeroll.

"So am I, old friend," he answers. "And I do manage to divide my time between my team, their missions, and my clan. And you have always been a reliable person. I would ask Tsume, but we both know her, and that..."

"Is not the best of ideas, and not just because Hana is her daughter," Hiashi agrees. "Fair enough, old friend. For the sake of our friendship and work. I miss the old times, you know? Before either of us had a clan to lead. I actually enjoyed our missions together, even if it meant longer periods of being exposed to Tsume."

Shibi can't quite muffle his snort. "Trust me, I miss those times, too."

He wasn't a sensei to two devils and one drama queen back then.

"Also, how hard can teaching three children possibly be?" Hiashi asks.

Shibi wisely keeps quiet. I asked that very same thing myself, my friend, he thinks instead.

*

Shibi had sincerely thought Hiashi to be better than... this. Whatever this is. He thought the Hyūga clan head would last at least three days. And yet, here stands Hyūga Hiashi, perfect hair in disarray, kimono actually charred and still smoking, and face positively furious. No longer than half a day into their ordeal.

"What is the meaning of this!" Hiashi hisses. "This team of yours, they–"

"Razed yet another training ground with fireballs the size of houses and a mini-cerberus?" Shibi asks, cocking his head. "Well, that sounds like a regular morning," he shrugs, and turns his attention back to the catalogue. His wife had tasked him with choosing the best dishes. Celebrating a decade together happens only once, after all.

"You...!" Hiashi, infamous Hyūga composure be damned, points a finger at him, "you knew?!"

"How hard can teaching three children possibly be?" Shibi quotes, looking rather smug from behind his glasses. "I asked myself exactly the same thing, old friend. Then I met them. And lasted two months before losing it. And you promised to take care of them for two weeks – no take-backs. I dread what would happen if I leave them with Tsume."

Hiashi looks thoughtful, especially about that last statement. Remembering Ren and her chakra reserves (Hiashi is willing to bet that the girl had an Uzumaki ancestor three or so generations back, there's no other explanation), giddily spewing D-Rank fire techniques left and right. He remembers Hana and her three dogs who would morph into one huge, three-headed beast. He remembers Hibiki who, after his initial mortification that his own clan head is here oh my god what do I do started whining about his demon teammates and tried (and actually almost managed) to keep up. Worse yet, he remembers that ridiculous game of tag they got him into playing (Shibi-sensei always does that with us, and if we catch him, he treats us to dinner!). This is actually what got his kimono charred.

"Is it true that if they catch you in your game, you treat them to dinner?" he asks finally.

"Ren has the appetite of an Akimichi," Shibi chuckles. "Did they catch you?"

"No, but it was close. If not for my Byakugan–" Hiashi huffs. "How do you do that, you're constantly with them and yet you haven't gone mad."

"Practice, I think?" Shibi cocks his head. "But where are they now?"

"I got them a batch of D-Ranks they are to complete by dawn."

"Oh, they aren't going to like that," the Aburame clan head says. "You need to inspire at least a bit of respect in them. Ren in particular, she's the leader figure. Hana has a lot of say, but she ultimately follows the Uchiha. Hibiki, though, has no say whatsoever."

"Uchiha Ren," Hiashi hisses through gritted teeth, "actually looked happy that she burned my clothing. She's insane!"

"She loves burning things. I believe it's an Uchiha thing. She once joked that the Uchiha way of solving problems is to burn it until it stops being a problem. Her cousin, Sasuke, seems to wholeheartedly agree to this ideology, if the dummies at training ground seven are any indication."

Hiashi looks sour. More so than usual. Shibi has to fight with every part of his being to not chuckle, actually. He wonders how long Hyuga clan head will hold up until he actually does go to Tsume.

*

(Hiashi manages to get through all of four days. On the fifth day he already regretted his decision, as Tsume is equally as giddy about causing destruction as the two girls.)